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  2. “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking BarrelsQuotes 23 quotes. more on this quote ››. “- Gary: Shotguns? What, like guns that fire shot? - Barry the Baptist: Oh, you must be the brains of the operation. Yes, guns that fire shot.” Victor McGuire - Gary. Lenny McLean - Barry the Baptist. [Tag: stupidity, weapons ] more on this quote ››.

    • Are You Deaf? Bacon: Right. Let's sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from the ones who don't. Because if you can't see value here today, you're not up here shopping, you're up here shoplifting.
    • It's A Steal. Nick the Greek: [haggling with Tom] What else do I get with it? Tom: You get a gold-plated Rolls Royce, as long as you pay for it. Nick the Greek: Dunno, Tom.
    • Peace Prize. J: [discussing their careers as marijuana growers] I've a strong suspicion we should have been rocket scientists, or Nobel Peace Prize winners … something.
    • That's What I Mean. Winston: Charles, why have we got that cage? Charles: Uh, security. Winston: That's right, that's right – security. So what's the point in having it if we're not going to fucking use it?
  3. Quotes. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Edit. Bacon: What's that? Samoan Joe's Barman: It's a cocktail. You asked for a cocktail. Bacon: No. I asked you to give me a refreshing drink. I wasn't expecting a fucking rainforest! You could fall in love with an orangutan in that! Samoan Joe's Barman: You want a pint, you go to the pub.

    • Eddie
    • Tom
    • Bacon
    • Soap
    • Rory Breaker
    • Barry The Baptist
    • Others
    • Dialogue
    • Taglines
    • Cast
    Anyway, fuck it. The battle is over and the war is won.
    No, fuck that. You can think about it. I am panicking and I'm off.
    [To Tom about the guns]So, the only thing connecting us to the case is in the back of your car, which is parked outside?
    They're lacking in criminal credibility, ain't they? I might get laughed at.
    There's no money, there's no weed. It's all been replaced by a pile of corpses.
    Let me tell you about Hatchet Harry. Once there was this geezer called Smithy Robinson, who worked for Harry. It was rumoured that he was on the take. Harry's invited Smithy 'round for explanation....
    [To Dog holding up a gun]Bend over the fucking desk!
    Oi! Keep your fingers out of my soup!
    You're not funny, Tom. You're fat, and look as though you should be, but you're not!
    Cupid, stupid!
    If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kind of pussy to drink it.
    What do you want, a medal? I'll shoot you in the fucking throat if I don't get my ganja back!
    Mr. Breaker. Today, my name is Mr. Breaker!
    This white shite thinks he can steal my cannabis and sell it back to me? He's got less brains than you, Lenny! Get Nick, the greasy wop, shistos, pesevengi, gamouri Greek bastard, round here now, i...
    No mortgages, no debts – lock, stock, the fucking lot.
    [Trying to stop his monitor switching off] Come on! Not now, please, not – [monitor goes off]oh, you fucking bastard.
    Hello boy, feeling a bit poorly? I know your friends are responsible for most of the cash, so I'm gonna give you one week to find it. Otherwise, I will take a finger of each of you and your friends...
    If you don't want to be counting the fingers you haven't got, I suggest you get those guns. Quick!
    Barfly Jack: Rory? Yeah, I know Rory. He's not to be underestimated. He's a funny-looking fucker, I know, but you've got to look past the hair and the cute, cuddly thing – it's all a deceptive faca...
    Big Chris: It's been emotional.
    Big Chris: All right, son. Roll them guns up, count the money, and put your seat belt on!
    Dog: Golf – the best way to spoil a good walk. Winston Churchill said that. I say it's a dog-eat-dog world. And I got bigger teeth than you two.

    Bacon: Right. Let's sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from the ones who don't. Because if you can't see value here today, you're not up here shopping, you're up here shoplifting. You see these goods? Never seen daylight, moonlight, Israelite; Fanny by the gaslight. Take a bag, come mon, take a bag. I...

    A Disgrace to Criminals Everywhere.
    They lost half a million at cards, but they've still got a few tricks up their sleeve …
  4. Great memorable quotes and script exchanges from the Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels movie on Quotes.net.

    • (107)
  5. 1. Left leg, right leg, your body will follow. They call it walking. Bacon. Walking & Going. Soap: "I'd take a pain in the arse for half a million quid." Tom: "You'd take a pain in the arse for air miles." Ass. A minute ago, this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia. Soap. Gary: "Shotguns?

  6. And I got bigger teeth than you two. View Quote Hatchet Harry: I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets. View Quote J.D. :You're lucky you're still breathing. Let alone able to walk. I suggest you take full advantage of that fact. View Quote Winston: Alarm bells are ringing Willy.

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