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2017
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- We only have one agenda, which is to make 'em laugh their pants off. Unless they are girls, of course, when it is to make them laugh their bras off so we can get a quick look.
- There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.
- I'm waiting for the time when I fail - because we all fail - and I'm ready, I'll take up carpentry. Ade Edmondson. Waiting, Failing, Ready.
- You're entering dangerous land when you start theorising about comedy. Ade Edmondson. Land, Entering, Comedy.
Adrian Edmondson. We only have one agenda, which is to make 'em laugh their pants off. Unless they are girls, of course, when it is to make them laugh their bras off so we can get a quick look. Adrian Edmondson. Enjoy the best Adrian Edmondson Quotes at BrainyQuote. Quotations by Adrian Edmondson, English Actor, Born January 24, 1957.
Nov 17, 2017 · Rick: Neil, the bathroom’s free. Unlike the country under the Thatcherite junta. [After being hit in the crotch with a cricket bat] Rick: Ha, ha, jokes on you, missed both my legs. Rick: Oh, God ...
- Series 1
- Series 2
- Series 3
- Bottom Live
- Bottom Live - The Big Number 2 Tour
- Bottom Live 3- Hooligans Island
- Bottom Live: 2001 An Arse Oddity
- Bottom: Weapons Grade Y-Fronts Tour 2003
Episode 1 - Smells
1. [Richie Pushes Eddie in to the sex shop. Eddie acts nervous.] 2. Shop Assistant: Can I help you, sir? 3. Eddie: This is a sex shop, isn't it? 4. Shop Assistant: Yes. 5. Eddie: (slaps money down) I'll have five quidsworth then! 6. Shop Assistant: Very droll, sir, I haven’t heard that one before. 7. Eddie: Haven't you? Shall I tell it again? 8. Shop Assistant: No thank you sir, I'd rather have a pineapple inserted violently into my rectum. 9. Eddie: You've been working here too long mate. 1....
Episode 2 - Gas
1. [Richie goes to answer the door.] 2. Richie: Alright, I'm coming! Alright, alright! Who do you think I am, Speedy Gonzales? (Opens the door and slightly strikes the Gasman)Right, that's enough of that! That's my electricity, you know. I'm not the Aga Khan! Cripes! It's the gasman! 3. Gasman: Hello, I was wondering if I could just read your meter. 4. Richie: HELLO MISTER GASMAN! 5. Gasman:Yes, hello. 6. Eddie: [Poking his head out into the landing]You what? 7. Richie: HELLO MISTER GASMAN!!...
Episode 3 - Contest
1. Richie: So, we've only got eleven pounds eighty to last us for the next two months? 2. Eddie: No, we've got 30p and a second-hand copy of "Parade". 3. Richie: What? 4. Eddie: It's an investment. Look, I got it for one pound fifty and originally it only cost a shilling. The value of these things is just sky-rocketing! 5. Richie: That's pre-decimalisation that is! They all have their pants on. 1. Eddie: Oh, shut up. Every day, yakkety bloody yak, on and on and on! Day in, day out - slime in...
Episode 1 - Digger
1. Richie: What was it Shakespeareused to say? 2. Eddie: Err... “Hello my dear, I’m a playwright you know. Go on, give us a snog.” 3. Richie: No, no… 4. Eddie: Uh, “Where’s my quill! Bloody hell, I bought five yesterday! Where do they all go?” 5. Richie: No, really, what was it he used to say? 6. Eddie: “What do you mean, it’s crap! There’s eight bodies at the end and he gets to shag his Mum!” 1. Lily Linneker: Hello, gentlemen, sorry to have kept you waiting. Which one of you is Mr. Hitler?...
Episode 2 - Culture
1. [Doing a crossword] 2. Eddie: Err right. "Ironmonger", six letters. Oh, got it! "Harold". 3. Richie: Harold? 4. Eddie: Yeah, well he's an ironmonger, isn't he? Harold the Ironmonger, remember? We ate his dog! 5. Richie: Oh right, we bloody won that bet, didn't we! 6. Eddie: No, we didn't. That's why we had to eat his dog. 1. [How to pass the time without a TV] 2. Richie: What about "Pin the Tail on the Donkey"? 3. Eddie: We haven't got a donkey. 4. Richie: Well, "Pin the Tail on the Chicke...
Episode 3 - Burglary
1. Richie: Eddie, do you want to be skinned alive and buggered? 2. Eddie: (Pointing handgun at Richie)I'd like to see you try! 1. Richie: Eddie, how did you get this drunk on one pound seventy-five? 2. Eddie: There's a sale on at the chemists. Old Spice... 25p a bottle. 1. [Richie’s version of ‘The Sailor’s Hornpipe’] 2. Do your balls hang low? 3. Can you swing ‘em to and fro? 4. Can you tie ‘em in a knot? 5. Can you tie ‘em in a bow? 6. Do you get a funny feeling when they’re hanging from th...
Episode 1 - Hole
1. Richie: Well yes, I can see your point. 2. Eddie: It's this new skirt, it rucks up very easily. 1. Eddie: Hey, Richie! You know that Stork Margarine competition we entered? 2. Richie: Yeah! 3. Eddie: We didn't win it. 4. Richie: What?! Well, who did? 5. Eddie: Slip Digby. 6. Richie: Slip Digby? The organist? 7. Eddie: That's not what they called him in court. 8. Richie: What was the winning caption? 9. Eddie: "I like Stork Margarine because I've only got one leg". 10. Richie: (pause)Not ba...
Episode 2 - Terror
1. [Eddie opens the door, seeing three children dressed as devils] 2. Child 1: Trick or treat, mister! 3. Eddie: What do you want! 4. Child 2: Trick or treat, you bald-headed bastard! 5. Eddie: I'm sorry. I don't speak child. 1. Eddie: All for one and one for all! You go first, I've got a bad leg. 1. Eddie: Trick or Treat? 2. Spudgun: What does that mean? 3. Richie: It means you give us some cash. No sweets. 4. Spudgun: Why? 5. Eddie: Because it's the end of October! 6. Spudgun: I don't under...
Episode 3 - Break
1. Richie:: I'm gonna get me some liposuction! 2. Eddie:: (who has confused liposuction with fellatio)Not from me you're not, mate! 1. Eddie:: Hey! Hang on! What's that sellotaped to the bottom of the fridge? Looks like that missing blackmail nudey snap of Desmond Lynham! 2. Richie:: Well come on, Eddie! Give me a hand to lift the fridge! I want to get a glimpse of Des's hammer-head! 1. Richie:: You've been drinking, haven't you? 2. Eddie:: HOW DARE YOU!? [He struggles to his feet] How.. How....
Eddie: That's right, me old cockaleeky-mate-flap-sparrow-Cockney-rhyming-bollocks!Richie: Don't touch my brick while I'm gone... I said "brick"! Not "penis"![After an incident involving a blow-up doll named Monica and some superglue, Richie has, apparently, lost his penis.]Richie: Ah, Monica. You were the first, and you'll be the last. You took my cherry... right off![Richie slams the prop door. It opens by itself. The audience laugh. He tries it again. It opens again. A couple of audience members cheer, causing Richie to whisper "Fuck off!" to the audience]Richie: (breaking character, aside to door) Now you listen to me buster, you're just a door. I'm Rik fuckingMayall! CLOSE![Slams the door. It stays shut.]Richie: [about the semtex]Where on Earth did you get it?Eddie: Car Boot sale. Got it off these two blokes Michael O'Hooligan and Patricia O'Violence. And their friend was there Pat O'Cake.[Audience laughs as Eddie tries not to laugh.]Richie: Yes. Brambles. So, one bush or two?Eddie: I beg your pardon?Richie: God, it's just sex-sex-sex with you, isn't it?Eddie: What do you mean, I was just asking you to repeat the question!Richie: No you weren't! You were accusing me of accusing you of having three pubic thatches!!Eddie: WHEN? When was this?[The pair are alone in some domed room]Richie: Hello?Eddie: Hello!Richie: No not you!Eddie: Maybe I wasn't replying to you.Richie: So then, there really is someone else here?Richie: [Thinking Eddies has a woman hidden in the bathroom]: Ah...ah...ah ha. Have you got a woman in here? A woman in here?! That's against house rules. we agreed, you're not allowed any women in...Richie: Is it me?...Eddie [Interrupting Richie]: Yes (Audience laughs)Richie: Is it me?...Eddie: Yes, it is (Audience applauds)Richie: Bad Eddie... (Pauses and starts again)Is it me-OR...– Adrian Edmondson There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour – people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them – but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.
Great memorable quotes and script exchanges from the Bottom, Series 1 movie on Quotes.net ... (1991-1995), a British sitcom by Ade Edmondson and Rik Mayall. 1,867 ...
1 quote from Adrian Edmondson: 'I find stand up comedy the most boring comedy in the world. It drives me to tedium. I can stand 10 minutes of it. There are some really funny people, but they should be in a variety act. There should be something more dynamic than one bloke talking at you for two hours no matter how funny he is.'
