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Apr 22, 2024 · Being a good stepfather has all the elements of being a good father, as well as acknowledging that it takes time and willingness to establish your role as stepfather in a new family arrangement.
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- Don’t: Rush In. “Common errors new stepfathers make include rushing into issues like a bull in a China shop, or else avoiding issues completely for fear of being too imposing,” says David Spellman, systemic and family psychotherapist.
- Do: See Yourself as a Step-Dad. “Visualize how you would want to relate to your stepchildren, and how you see yourself forming a new blended family,” suggests Rachel Andrew, family mediator, and psychologist.
- Do: Expect Fireworks. By the nature of separation and divorce you may find yourself going into a relationship with a new family still hurting from what’s gone on before, explains Andrew.
- Don’t: Talk Bad About Their Dad. It’s crucial, per Spellman, to avoid disrespecting the biological father when you’re around the children. “No matter what your personal view of the children’s biological father is,” he says, “discuss that away from the children.”
- Try to Take the Other Parent's Place. Whether the re-partnering is a result of divorce, a breakup, or death, you can never replace the child's other parent and should not attempt to.
- Physically Punish Your Stepkids. A stepparent should never cross the line of administering physical consequences to a child. "Always refrain from losing your cool and hitting, swearing or 'losing it' with your stepchildren," says JoAnne Pedro-Carroll, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author of Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies to Help Children Thrive Through Divorce.
- Assume a Position of Authority. Young children under 5 or 6 may be more willing to accept a stepparent's authority in the new family, but school-age children and teens will often rebuff a stepparent's attempts at automatic authority.
- Interfere With Co-Parenting Discussions. It can be tempting to weigh in on a parenting discussion between your partner and their ex—but don't. "The ex didn't agree to co-parent with you and will likely feel ganged up on if you give unsolicited advice," explains Jenna Korf, a certified stepfamily foundation coach and co-author of Skirts At War: Beyond Divorced Mom/Stepmom Conflict.
- Keep encouraging the children’s relationship with their biological father. What often happens in second (or third) marriages is that everyone in the household tries to forget the ex-husband completely.
- Discuss discipline and exercise it with extreme caution. Perhaps the greatest point of tension for a new stepfather is knowing how and to what extent you should be involved in the discipline of your children.
- Schedule regular times away from the kids as a couple. Even more than in first marriages, it is vital that you and your wife spend time alone, strengthening and revitalizing your marriage.
- Practice acceptance. It’s good to realize from the beginning that this new family will take some getting used to. It will take time for them, as well.
Jul 21, 2022 · Stepfathers, By The Numbers. More than 1,300 new blended families form each day, and more than 50% of children under age 13 live with one biological parent and one stepparent. If those figures seem staggering, blame the divorce rate.
- Joshua A. Krisch
But stepfathers can have profound and important leadership roles with stepchildren. Like Joseph, who wasn’t Jesus’ biological parent, stepfathers can offer guidance, love, and encouragement to the children under their care. Here’s a map for the territory and some practical action points for stepfathers.
Jun 15, 2017 · A stepfather needs to establish authority, and discipline the children if necessary. Stepfathers might wish to assume the “hard hand” in the family. Their wives might even want them to.
