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Jan 22, 2021 · Enjoy over 100 hilarious quotes and jokes by Steven Wright, an American comedian known for his deadpan and ironic humor. Find out his background, achievements, and some of his best one-liners and sayings.
- “I’m going to court next week. I’ve been selected for jury duty. It’s kind of an insane case. 6,000 ants dressed up as rice and robbed a Chinese restaurant …I don’t think they did it.
- “I tried to hang myself with bungee cord… Kept almost dying.” Advertisement.
- “I was walking down the street, there was a sign stapled to a telephone pole that said: Reward, lost $50. If found, just keep it”
- “So I was laying in bed with my girlfriend reading the second hand diary that I bought… ‘I don't remember this.’ She said, “Let me ask you a question: If you could know how and when you were gonna die would you want to know?’
Dec 6, 2016 · Celebrate the deadpan comedian's 61st birthday with his witty and absurd humor. From instant coffee to Caesarean birth, here are 20 of his best jokes.
- Nick Venable
- "You can't have everything. Where would you put it? " Even if you had a bag that was big enough to put everything else inside of it, where would you put that bag?
- "I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine. " Steven Wright has several jokes about sci-fi-esque ramifications that come from making copies, but this is easily my favorite.
- "It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused. " This winner of a joke is the equivalent of saying, "Look, a dead bird!"
- "I lost a buttonhole." My personal all-time favorite Steven Wright one-liner. Like a two-sentence horror story, it's all about the brevity, and he earns all the slow claps here.
Enjoy 30 hilarious one-liners from the deadpan comedian Steven Wright, who observes the absurdities of life with wit and humor. Learn more about his persona, style, and achievements as a standup comedian, actor, and director.
Jul 29, 2019 · Enjoy the best of Steven Wright's stand-up comedy, featuring his signature deadpan delivery and anti-humor. Vote for your favorite jokes and see why he is one of the greatest comics of all time.
