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May 23, 2023 · Your new movie is a clear example of authentic storytelling based on your viral bit “The Machine,” loosely based a true story about robbing a train in Russia as a college student with the Russian...
- nate.jackson@latimes.com
- Deputy Entertainment And Arts Editor
May 26, 2023 · Things involving Bert Kreischer can take on a mythic quality. That doesn’t just include the stories he tells in his stand-up, like the time he got involved with the Russian mafia, but the ...
- Jesse David Fox
- Contributor
- Bert Kreischer Took Russian at FSU
- Bert Kreischer Arrived in 1990s Russia
- Bert Kreischer Hung Out with Igor & Sasha
- How Bert Kreischer Got The Nickname "The Machine"
- The Machine Took A Trip to Moscow
- The Machine Robbed The Train
- The Machine & The Police
In college, Burt Kreischer took Russian for two years — largely because of a deal he made with the professor, who would pass him as long as he just showed up to class. Consequently, and crucially, he only learned a few phrases. The last thing Kreischer needed to do in order to earn his minor was to spend a semester abroad in Russia, an assignment h...
As Kreischer explains in "The Machine," criminal families in Russia held a lot of power in the 1990s. As a result, Kreischer’s class was assigned two members of the Russian mafia for protection during the course of their travels: Igor and Sasha. Kreischer’s teacher explained that the men would be shadowing the group everywhere they went and told hi...
Despite being told not to talk to Igor and Sasha, Kreischer brought them vodka and beer on the first night of the trip. Because he had never actually studied the Russian language, he memorized a greeting that included a line about how much he loved to party. When the door opened, he found himself looking into a room full of gangsters.
The fish-out-of-water moment was too much for him, and he immediately forgot his prepared line. Instead, he uttered, “Ya machine!" which translates to I’m the machine!" After a beat, the Russian gangsters raised their glasses and cheered, “He’s the machine!" From that moment, Kreischer was best friends with Igor and Sasha, and they only referred to...
Kreischer joined his classmates on a trip to Moscow, but not only was that city run by a different family, but the mafia that controlled the train was yet another. Before they left, Igor and Sasha introduced Kreischer to the class's new mafia chaperones, who immediately took to "The Machine." They invited Kreischer into first class, while the rest ...
When their supply of alcohol was gone, the party went to the train’s bar cart to get more vodka, as well as bread, cheese, and, to Kreischer’s surprise, rubles. He had essentially been tricked into robbing the bar cart. Once it got dark, Kreischer joined his new friends as they stole from passengers' luggage — including his classmates' suitcases. T...
Before Kreischer could stand up to go outside, the gangsters stopped him and said they would take care of it. Kreischer watched his friends go outside and yell at the police in front of his entire class. Eventually, they waved Kreischer outside to talk to the police himself. One of the officers grabbed him, looked him in the eyes, and asked, “Are y...
- Zachary Moser
Jun 4, 2023 · It’s 100-percent true, 500 times stranger than fiction, and thanks to that viral clip above, seen by over 40 million people. A not-so-bright college kid, who’d mistaken a Russian language ...
- David Fear
Mar 30, 2024 · Bert Kreischer's movie, The Machine, is a partially true story about his college trip to Russia, involving encounters with Russian gangsters. The details of the story may be embellished,...
- Jonathon Norcross
- Peter Atencio
May 23, 2023 · Your new movie is a clear example of authentic storytelling based on your viral bit “The Machine,” loosely based a true story about robbing a train in Russia as a college student with the...
May 25, 2023 · A fun and thrill-inducing ride for viewers everywhere, it may not be hard for anybody to believe that ‘The Machine’ isn’t a true story with how over the top it is. But it would be even harder to believe that it is based on a real-life incident for anyone not familiar with Bert Kreischer and his work, for the story is “stranger than ...
