Claire Trevor
Carol Barton
Search results
News about Pierre Poilievre, Rupert Murdoch, Kyle Richards
News about Gypsy-Rose Blanchard, Patricia Arquette, spinoff
News about marriage, Millie Bobby Brown, humor
News about Jennifer Lopez, Eiza Gonzalez, Ben Affleck
- Organize your finances, if you haven't already. This includes setting up individual bank accounts (if you haven’t already done this) canceling joint credit accounts, and updating direct deposit accounts and automatic payments from bank accounts.
- Shore up your own individual support network. Friendships can be lost when marriages end, so attend to the relationships that you don’t want to lose once you and your partner begin living separate lives.
- Recognize that you may feel grief when the marriage ends. Even when you’re leaving a bad marriage, there can be a significant sense of loss. Grieving not only for what was but what could have been or should have been, is normal.
- Find a good counselor if your support network isn’t sufficient or you’re coping with emotional distress that is disrupting your ability to manage your responsibilities and daily life.
- Overview
- Warning Signs of Marriage Problems
- Seeking Help for Marriage Trouble
- A Word From Verywell
Trending Videos
Every marital relationship is unique and each one faces its own challenges. However, there are common signs of marriage problems.
Although it may be tempting to ignore these issues and hope they go away on their own, it's often more helpful to have an open, honest, and respectful talk with your spouse about your marriage trouble. It's important that both you and your spouse feel heard, supported, and secure within the relationship.
This article covers common warning signs of marriage problems, how you can seek help, and the resources that are available if you have marriage trouble.
You're Always Criticizing Each Other
Sure, a little constructive criticism can be a good thing. But you'll want to be conscious of whether your criticism is actually helpful or if it's negative or even hostile. Research shows that hostile criticism is a strong predictor of marital dissatisfaction. Negative criticism can also be a sign that your marriage is headed for divorce, says Dr. John Gottman, a therapist with over 50 years of experience working with couples—especially when this criticism is offered at the beginning of a conflict discussion. Gottman refers to criticism as one of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse," a group of factors that can be lethal to a relationship and one of the top signs of divorce. The other three are contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Of course, expressing your feelings to your partner is healthy if something they did triggers you. But what you say and how you say it matters. Hostile Criticism I can't believe you left your dirty laundry on the floor. You're so messy and annoying. You hang out with your stupid friends more than you hang out with me. You're so selfish. Constructive Criticism I feel stressed when I see your dirty laundry on the bedroom floor. Can you help me out? I feel unloved when we don't make time for each other. Can we talk about changing that? By putting the emphasis on how you feel, you're being constructive and staying open to fixing the issue together. Giving hostile criticism, on the other hand, may make it more likely that your partner will respond to you with hostility as well. How Nitpicking Damages Your Marriage
Lack of Intimacy
If your relationship lacks the types of intimacy that you find important, there could be emotional distance between you and your partner—particularly if you find that you don't want to engage in intimate acts with them (or they with you). Marriages thrive on healthy expressions of intimacy—and that doesn't always mean sex. Plenty of married couples don't engage in sex regularly, and it's not always a sign of an underlying problem. Health issues, life changes, and busy schedules can all contribute to a lack of sex. People who identify as asexual may not have sex with their partners at all. However, intimacy doesn't have to mean sex. Holding hands, writing love notes, or even cooking together can all be acts of intimacy that simply send the message to your partner that you love them and want to spend time with them. Research suggests that a lack of intimacy is one of the top problems for couples, causing distress and potentially even the collapse of the relationship. Are You In a Sexless Marriage?
You Constantly Have the Same Argument
Arguments happen in every marriage, even healthy ones. In fact, research suggests that couples who argue effectively are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who sweep difficult issues under the rug. But if your time together is plagued by endless reruns of the same argument and there is no resolution, chances are there's a major disconnect between the two of you. You may even start avoiding each other to avoid another argument. Though avoiding an argument can seem like the best solution in the short term, in the long run, it won't serve your relationship. You may need to do some soul-searching (by yourself and with your partner) to truly understand what is causing the same old argument. Conflict Resolution Mistakes to Avoid
Work on Communication
It may be helpful to set aside some time each day (or as often as you can throughout the week) to communicate with your spouse. Make sure this time is reserved for sharing feelings. Try not to dismiss what your spouse is saying, but really listen to them. They should do the same for you. Prioritizing listening and responding to each other's concerns can help each person feel appreciated and valued within the relationship. It can also prevent minor issues from turning into bigger ones.
Set Boundaries
Healthy relationships have boundaries. While some people think that boundaries create more distance or separation, try to think of boundaries as creating clear expectations for your relationship. An example of some healthy relationship boundaries might include: Giving each other space to have your own identities No yelling at each other during arguments Respecting each other's quiet time during work
Get Counseling or Therapy
Enlisting the help of a professional can be immensely helpful, especially if you and your spouse feel as if you're running in circles, with the same issues arising. A marriage therapist or counselor can be an ally to your marriage. Rather than taking sides, they will help you and your partner gain perspective and develop the communication skills needed to change the patterns that keep you stuck. With their help, you and your partner can identify and change unhealthy patterns and rediscover feelings of love. On the other hand, a therapist can also help you realize if your marriage is out of alignment for you. Perhaps you and your spouse have grown apart, and one or both of you decides that they do not want to be in the marriage any longer. Though this can be incredibly difficult, a therapist can help guide you through the next steps while teaching you how to cope with this major life change as adaptively as possible. How Couples Therapy Can Improve Your Relationship
Even happy marriages go through challenging times. If your marriage is struggling, know that there are resources available to you and your spouse if you are both willing to work on the relationship. Getting the support of a marriage therapist or counselor can help you work through challenging times or come to the conclusion to end the relationship.
Even if your spouse isn't open to going to therapy, you can see a therapist or counselor by yourself and receive the support you need to heal.
13 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
1.Campbell SB, Renshaw KD, Klein SR. Sex differences in associations of hostile and non-hostile criticism with relationship quality. J Psychol. 2017;151(4):416-430. doi:10.1080/00223980.2017.1305324
2.The Gottman Institute. The 6 things that predict divorce.
- Sheri Stritof
- There's constant criticism. Constant criticism is an indication that feelings of love and warmth for each other are being replaced by judgment. If you're constantly criticizing each other, that's not a good sign, according to licensed therapist and co-founder of Viva Wellness Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC.
- Your relationship has become sexless. Another sign of an unhappy marriage is a virtually nonexistent sex life. Or, when you do have sex on the rare occasion, it's not great.
- You struggle to spend time together. Being around each other may feel like a chore, or extremely forced. Without the sense of intimacy that was once there, you may feel like you have nothing to say—and also don't really care what they have to say.
- You stop sharing wins with each other. When something exciting happens, who's the first one you call? If it was once your spouse and now it's a friend or family member, that's a sign your marriage has taken a hit.
Nov 5, 2021 · A happy marriage can mean you have a partner to share your life with and experience together all the joys and hardships that come with it. If your married life isn’t happy, however, it’s a...
Oct 22, 2021 · Is It My Marriage or Depression? Signs of depression. Other possibilities. When to seek help. Next steps. Marriage ups and downs are natural. But if you’re feeling despair most of the time,...
Nov 6, 2023 · Updated on November 06, 2023. Reviewed by. Carly Snyder, MD. Verywell / Jiaqi Zhou. Table of Contents. Is Your Marriage Worth Saving? Know the Signs. Signs a Marriage Can Be Saved. Getting Help. Frequently Asked Questions. Marriage can be a blessing, but it can also break your heart—especially if you think you've reached the end of the road.
People also ask
What if you live in an unhappy marriage?
How do you know if your marriage is unhappy?
How do you know if a marriage is in trouble?
How do you balance a marriage?
Nov 18, 2023 · 10 Ways to Strengthen a Marriage and Avoid Divorce. Getting help for your marriage now can make your relationship last. By. Wayne Parker. Updated on November 18, 2023. Reviewed by. Carly Snyder, MD. Print. Dimitri Otis/Taxi/Getty Images. Table of Contents. View All. Commit to Your Relationship. Forgive Quickly. Honor and Respect Your Partner.
