Search results
Jul 27, 2010 · I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend. Anthony Jeselnik. Girlfriend, Upset, Cry. 264 Copy quote. My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool. Anthony Jeselnik. Girlfriend, Kings, Bird. 235 Copy quote.
- Best Anthony Jeselnik Quotes
- Anthony Jeselnik Quotes and One-Lines Packed with Humor
- Dark Anthony Jeselnik Quotes and Jokes to Make You Laugh Out Loud
- Anthony Jeselnik Quotes to Better Understand His Personality
- More Anthony Jeselnik Quotes to Keep You Entertained
- What’s The Darkest Quote Or One-Liner You’Ve Read from The List above?
1. “My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person—so I can get a better girlfriend.” 2. “I’ve got a long history of suicide in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I’m lucky, my kids will kill themselves.” 3. “I’ve spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer, but no one will do it.” 4. “I used to have sex...
8. “My nephew killed himself masturbating but, officially, the cause of death is exhaustion.” 9. “Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn’t have that, then she’s mine.” 10. “I know her in the biblical sense—and when I say that, I mean I don’t believe a word she says.” 11. “Every comic went thr...
14. “You don’t know anything about pain until you’ve seen your own baby drowned in a tub, and you definitely don’t know anything about how to wash a baby.” 15. “It’s impossible for me to hear the words ‘quadruple murder-suicide’ without thinking of my grandparents.” 16. “My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don’t understand why she’s cry...
19. “The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say, ‘Not today, you bastards.’” 20. “Do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it, and as long as you look confident, no one will give you any shit.” 21. “Everyone has the same kind of fears...
26. “I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I’ll think is funny.” 27. “There is nothing that’s off-limits. If people think something is off-limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that’s my job.” 28. “I’m not just offensive. I’m very smart about the way that I do it, and that takes a lot of time....
Being a comedian could be one of the trickiest jobs in the world. Just imagine standing in front of an audience—all strangers—and trying to make them laugh. To top it off, there are also lots of comedians trying to make their way up the ladder. How would you make yourself stand out from the rest of them? This is where Anthony Jeselnikfound his nich...
Anthony Jeselnik. I'm not just offensive, I'm very smart about the way that I do it, and that takes a lot of time. People say that young comics shouldn't be trying these things. That's ridiculous. You should try everything and see what sticks. Anthony Jeselnik. On Twitter, when someone would die, I would write a joke.
Enjoy 37 best Anthony Jeselnik jokes, quotes, and one liners that showcase his dark comedy style and brash stage persona. Watch his stand-up video and read his comments on religion, death, and abortion.
Anthony Jeselnik is an American comedian, writer, and actor known for his dark and offensive sense of humor. Born on December 22, 1978, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Jeselnik discovered his love for comedy at a young age. He started performing stand-up comedy while studying English and writing at Tulane University in New Orleans.
Oct 4, 2010 · I'm actually a really nice guy, once you get to blow me. Anthony Jeselnik. Nice, Blow, Guy. Twitter post from Sep 26, 2011. 51 Copy quote. I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable. Anthony Jeselnik. Funny, Religious, Atheist.
"Anthony Jeselnik on roasting, ripping off Jack Handey, and giving the devil his own TV show". Interview with Nathan Rabin, www.avclub.com. March 12, 2013. 34 Copy quote
