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Learn how to cope with the pain and challenges of moving on from a relationship with compassion, perspective, and self-care. Discover the tools and techniques to silence your inner critic, reflect realistically, let go of fantasy, and heal from the loss.
- Overview
- Give yourself permission to feel sa
- Reflect on the relationship realisticall
- Talk to a trusted confidant
- Practice self-compassio
- Give yourself time to hea
- Imagine the breakup as a tiny blip in your life's journe
- Stay open to the possibility of new lov
- Cut contact with your ex and discard memento
- Talk to your ex for closure when you’re read
If you've recently gone through a
and are struggling to move on, you're not alone. And while it isn't always easy, anyone can do it with a bit of perseverance and patience. There are no hard and fast rules for moving on, but if you need a little help, you've come to the right place. Treat yourself with kindness, take your time to heal, and use the following guide to move on for good.
Give yourself time to process your emotions and allow yourself to feel sad. Talk to somebody you trust and practice self-compassion.
Get closure by distancing yourself from your ex until you're ready to talk. Identify lessons you’ve learned that you can use in future relationships.
Accepting and processing your emotions is critical to healing.
When you're feeling many negative emotions, it's normal to want to push those feelings down—but that just extends your heartache. Instead, allow yourself to mourn the relationship. Acknowledge what you feel and reassure yourself that your emotions are valid; feeling them is just part of the path to healing.
Listen to what your body needs so that you can release your emotions. You might write in a journal, express your feelings through art, exercise, or vent your emotions in a letter you destroy later.
Try to separate your raw feelings from the sad or despairing thoughts that might accompany them.
Idealizing the relationship and your ex makes it harder to move on.
Relationships can be funny: once they're over, it's easy to focus only on the good memories and deny anything bad happened. However, that won't help you move on. Recall the struggles and issues as well as the moments of happiness, and you'll remember why breaking up was necessary in the first place.
Similarly, it's common to fantasize about an ex post-breakup, creating an illusion that they were perfect when really, they had issues like anyone else. Let go of that illusion and see your ex for who they are, good and bad.
Once you can realistically visualize your ex and the relationship, your motivation and resolve to move on will grow steadily stronger.
Expressing your emotions is an essential part of processing them.
Sit down with a close friend or family member you trust to support and love you no matter what. Talk to someone who is an excellent listener and won't interrupt you; you deserve to feel heard! Tell them everything: what happened, what you're feeling, and anything else you need to express.
Choose someone you're comfortable being vulnerable around. You might need to cry, scream, or punch a pillow while you talk—and that's okay.
If you can't shake the sadness alone, a therapist or counselor can help you move on. They’ll help you work through your feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Treating yourself compassionately strengthens your resolve to move on.
When a relationship ends, it's natural to blame yourself for it—but that's not fair. When a relationship fails, it doesn't make you a failure. Treat yourself with compassion and shut down those critical thoughts. Instead, tell yourself that you didn't fail, you're not at fault, and you can overcome this and move on.
Moving on takes time, and rushing things will make it harder.
There's no definitive timetable for getting over a breakup, so it's up to you to give yourself the time you need. Many people take around 3 months to move on, but that's not a hard rule. Go at your own pace, and don't let anyone else tell you when to move on—it's your heart, and you know yourself best.
We asked 35 readers, and
of them agreed that when you're going through a breakup, the best thing you can do is simply
Looking at the bigger picture helps put the breakup in perspective.
When you're in the middle of a breakup, it can feel like the end of your world—so it helps to remind yourself that’s not true. Take a step back: in reality, this is just a moment in the long arc of your life, and you have a lot more growth to look forward to. Years from now, you won't feel this sadness; it'll just be a memory.
Moving on is easier when you have hope for the future.
It's a big world, and there's someone out there for you—even if you haven't found them yet. Whether this was your first or fifth relationship, it doesn't have to be your last (or your best). So long as you're open to love and committed to living your best life, the right partner will find you sooner or later.
You're also not alone. Many people in the world are in your position, and any of them could be the right match for you.
Remind yourself that a fulfilling life doesn't depend on your relationship status. You can find special someone if you want a relationship, but there's more to life than that. You are complete, with or without a partner!
No contact or physical reminders of your ex makes it easier to move on.
Processing your emotions is hard when your ex is nearby, so cut off all contact if you can: don't call, text, or hang out with them. Then, unfollow their social media pages and throw away physical reminders of them, like gifts, photos, and mementos. As the saying goes: out of sight, out of mind.
It's okay if you can't break contact entirely, but do your best to avoid situations where you know you'll see them.
If you don't want to throw everything out, box a few things up and give them to a friend for safekeeping. When you're ready, you can either discard or retrieve the box.
Even if you'd like to
be friends with your ex
Closure makes it easier to accept and make peace with the breakup.
Once you've had time to process your emotions by yourself, ask your ex to discuss the breakup so you can
Prepare questions and thoughts beforehand, so you're prepared for the conversation, and use the opportunity to clear the air with them. Be sure you ask for your ex's side of the story and listen to what they say, too!
At the end of the day, it might help to understand your ex's perspective and your own. If nothing else, you'll know where both of you stand—no more uncertainty.
- Cry a river if you must. You are allowed to cry and feel pain. You can even grieve if you need to. A failed relationship is not something you should shove off quickly.
- Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings. You need to understand yourself better, and the best way to do this is to acknowledge your emotions. Acknowledge them by associating them with a feeling, and then try to understand it.
- Realize that you can’t do anything about it anymore. After the breakup or the loss of a loved one, you will feel powerless—but that’s okay. You have to accept that things happened and you can’t do anything anymore to change them.
- If you can’t forgive the person yet, at least forgive yourself. It can certainly be hard to forgive, especially if it was the other person’s fault that the relationship ended in the first place.
- 1 min
- Keep Taking Care of Yourself. When you’re bogged down with feelings of despair, you don't think clearly and likely aren't thinking about your well-being at all.
- Write a Letter to Your Ex. “I often have clients write a letter to their ex-partner thanking them for what they gained in the relationship and saying goodbye,” Leader says.
- Surround Yourself With People You Love. Your heart may be telling you to stay in bed and ignore the world outside, but getting out will likely make you feel better.
- Expect Healing to Take Time. Here’s the harsh truth: Feeling better is probably going to take some time. You may even have a string of good days before something triggers you and puts you right back where you started.
Feb 13, 2020 · To move on, you have to reframe your relationship with the past. How to Stop Ruminating. 1. Stop trying to be the hero of your story.
If you're struggling to move on from an old relationship, this article offers practical tips and advice to help you heal and find happiness. Learn how to release regrets, forgive yourself, reconnect with yourself, and more.
