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What is a fear of abandonment?
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I had this and it was ocd! Obsession-fear of someone (like an evil spirit) behind me. Compulsion-checking a certain amount of times. I got this tension feeling in my back from anxiety and the reassurance didn’t help but I still felt like I had to do it. I’d recommend therapy or learning about ocd.
Letting Go: How to Put The Past, Anger, & Fear Behind You - The Berkeley Well-Being Institute. By Tchiki Davis, MA, PhD. What does it mean to let go? And how do we do it? Here we'll talk about letting go of the past so we can move on from relationships, people, and unhealthy emotions.
- Overview
- Symptoms of Fear of Abandonment
- Causes of Fear of Abandonment
- Fear of Abandonment Effects
- Treatments for Fear of Abandonment
- Coping With a Fear of Abandonment
Fear of abandonment is the overwhelming but unwarranted fear that people you love will leave you physically and/or emotionally.
A fear of abandonment is a complex phenomenon that can stem from a variety of developmental experiences, including loss and trauma. This fear has been studied from a variety of perspectives.
Theories behind why fear of abandonment occurs include interruptions in the normal development of certain cognitive and emotional capacities, challenges with past relationships, and other problematic social and life experiences.
Although it is not an official phobia, the fear of abandonment is arguably one of the most common and damaging fears. People with a fear of abandonment tend to display behaviors and thought patterns that affect their relationships. Ultimately, these maladaptive coping strategies can result in the very abandonment they dread. Consequently, this fear can be devastating.
In relationships, people with a fear of abandonment tend to:
•Attach quickly—even to unavailable partners or relationships
•Fail to fully commit and have had very few long-term relationships
•Move on quickly just to ensure that you don't get too attached
•Aim to please
•Engage in unwanted sex (this is common in women)
Many theories surround the disorder's origins. Generally, psychologists attribute fear of abandonment to experiences, beliefs, and concepts we internalized as children. A child who is denied basic, necessary comforts such as physical affection, emotional connection, and safety learns not to trust the permanence of these in adulthood. Examples of contributory experiences might include:
•Abuse
•Abandonment
•Neglect
•Death of a loved one
•Emotional distance of a parent or caregiver
Getting To Know One Another
At this point, you feel relatively safe. You are not yet emotionally invested in the other person, so you continue to live your life while enjoying time together.
Honeymoon Phase
You choose to commit, willing to overlook possible red or yellow flags because you get along so well. You start spending a great deal of time with the other person and you always enjoy yourself. You start to feel secure.
Real Relationship
Real life intervenes. People get sick, have family problems, work difficult hours, worry about money, and need time to get things done. Although this is a normal, positive step in a relationship, it can terrify someone with a fear of abandonment who mistakenly perceives that you're pulling away. If you have this fear, you are probably battling with yourself and trying very hard not to express your worries for fear of appearing clingy.
Several types of therapy are available to help manage and reduce abandonment issues:
•Cognitive behavioral therapy helps the person replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
•Play therapy uses toys and games that appeal to children in psychotherapy.
•Attachment-based therapy relies on a strong relationship between the therapist and the patient.
If your fear is mild and well-controlled, you may be able to handle it simply by becoming educated about your tendencies and learning new behavior strategies. For most people, though, the fear of abandonment is rooted in deep-seated issues that are difficult to unravel alone.
Professional assistance is often required to work through this fear and truly change your thoughts and behaviors.
Although treating the fear itself is critical, it is also essential to build a feeling of belonging. Rather than focusing all of your energy and devotion on a single partner, focus on building a community. No one person can solve all of our problems or meet all of our needs. But a solid group of several close friends can each play an important role in our lives.
Many people with a fear of abandonment state that they never felt like they had a "tribe" or a "pack" when they were growing up. For whatever reasons, they always felt "other" or disconnected from those around them. But the good news is that it's never too late.
Whatever your current stage of life, it is important to surround yourself with other like-minded individuals. Make a list of your current hobbies, passions, and dreams. Then find others who share your interests.
While it is true that not everyone who shares an interest will become a close friend, hobbies and dreams are an excellent stepping stone toward building a solid support network. Working on your passions also helps build self-confidence and the belief that you are strong enough to cope with whatever life throws your way.
Feb 15, 2018 · 6 minutes. Maybe you have at some point felt like there was someone in the same room as you. However, you look around and find that you’re alone. That feeling of a presence, of feeling like someone is near you, is a phenomenon that happens more frequently than we’d like to think. And that doesn’t make it any less terrifying…
Nov 28, 2022 · Scopophobia, also known as scoptophobia, is the fear of being stared at. It varies in severity from person to person. Some people only fear when a stranger stares for a long time, while others fear even making eye contact with a friend. It is normal to feel uncomfortable or even anxious if someone is staring at you in an unusual way.
Jan 14, 2024 · Fear of abandonment can foster someone to engage in behaviors that ironically create their worst fear. Actions like checking up on someone, worrying so much about losing someone as to...
Jan 10, 2021 · Audrey Sherman Ph.D. Dysfunction Interrupted. Fear. The 7 Skills Necessary to Overcome Fear. Fear is the ultimate form of emotional baggage. Posted January 10, 2021|Reviewed by Kaja Perina....
