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How do you get out of a relationship rut?
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What is a relationship rut?
Jul 21, 2022 · The key is to take action. We asked Fedrick and other relationship experts to share what they believe is the first thing someone should do if they feel as if they’re stuck in a rut with their partner. Read on for their answers.
- Caroline Bologna
The first step for getting out of this rut is to see you and your partner as two separate, independent people. To gain perspective, imagine stepping back from your partner.
Sep 10, 2012 · Stuck in a rut? What does it mean for your relationship when you find yourself stuck in a rut? A group of researchers decided to answer this question by examining how being bored now affects...
Feb 20, 2024 · Here's What To Do If You & Your SO Are In A Relationship Rut. It's normal for you relationship to change as it gets more serious over time. You get to know all your partner's tiny...
- Overview
- Signs You're Stuck in a Rut
- Reasons You Might Feel Stuck in a Rut
- How to Get Out of a Rut
- A Word From Verywell
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Many of us go through periods where we're stuck in a rut. You feel like you're going through the motions at work, treading water in your relationships, or jogging in place in your social life. Things that used to excite you no longer do and, instead of moving toward your goals, you remain stagnant—stuck where you are.
Being stuck can lead to feeling both disinterested and dissatisfied. It may even cause you to want to give up on your goals altogether. Fortunately, there are a few things you can do to not only figure out why you're stuck but also to get motivated and excited about life once again.
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If you're stuck in a rut, you may not even notice at first as these feelings often build slowly over time. You might follow your same routines day after day, only to one day realize that it feels less like you are working toward something and more like you're just killing time.
Here are some signs that suggest you might be stuck in a rut:
•Every day seems the same. You might even have trouble remembering what day of the week it is. Is it Monday, or is it Friday? It doesn’t matter because your days feel indistinguishable from one another.
•You feel like you're just trying to get through another day. Your goal is to keep putting one foot ahead of the other until the day is done. You don't feel excited or inspired.
•You feel unmotivated. You might want to take on new projects or engage in creative tasks, but it feels like your motivation has run dry. You just can't seem to get started.
•You feel unfulfilled. Life feels dull and boring. You want to try new things, but you don't know where to begin.
Some ruts are caused by a human tendency to make the same decision over and over again when faced with similar scenarios. You choose to drive the same way to work every day, for example. You could take another route but don't because you're naturally biased to avoid the uncertainty of the different path.
Fear of stepping outside your comfort zone can also cause you to feel stuck in a rut. You want to do something different but a fear of the unknown or a fear of failure is stopping you from taking action. To ease your fears, you do nothing at all and, instead, remain where you are.
Figuring out what's causing your discontentment is important to finding ways to get out of your rut. If you are struggling to understand the reasons behind your feelings, working with a licensed counselor or a therapist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help.
CBT works by changing negative or unhelpful thought and behavior patterns.
When working to discover the cause of your rut, one thing to keep in mind is that not all ruts are the same. Some people might feel like they are in a rut with a romantic partner while, for others, it is their job. Even your health, family situation, friendships, hobbies, or home can contribute to these feelings.
It's important to not criticize or berate yourself once you understand the root cause. Also, don't try to minimize the issue. You might think "I have a great life" or "I don't have a right to feel this way," but these thoughts are counterproductive and can keep you trapped in a rut. While things may be "just fine" as they are, if you're not satisfied, it's time to make changes and regain your spark.
Take Care of Yourself
When you feel stuck in a rut, combat it by taking care of yourself. Self-compassion is critical to mental wellness. Start with a quick assessment of how well you've been taking care of you. Have you been eating well? Are you sleeping enough? Have you been spending time with people who care about and support you? If something is lacking in the self-care department, now is the time to address it. Healthy food, adequate sleep, daily exercise, and social support are all essential to your physical and emotional health and wellness. Look for ways to treat yourself a little better. Taking care of yourself ensures you have the energy to stay focused and excited about your life.
Change Your Routine
It's hard to move forward or branch out if you're engaged in the same routines day after day. People are creatures of habit and sometimes being stuck stems from boredom or feeling like you're on auto-pilot. Look for ways to add different experiences to your day, such as: Strike up a conversation. Talking to new people is a great way to expand your social connections. Plus, you will learn interesting things about the people around you. Have some fun. Spending time engaged in an activity you love is good for your health. Whether it's hanging out with friends or pursuing a hobby, set aside time each week and focus your energy on having a good time. Try something new. Take a new route to work, watch a new show, or sign up for a class. Exploring the world around you can add zest to your life. Be spontaneous. If you're bored with your life, live in the moment. Do things that are not pre-planned, say yes to new experiences, and don't be afraid to do the unexpected.
Head Outdoors
Researchers have discovered that being in nature has a positive impact on the brain. For example, one study found that taking a walk outside reduced self-referential rumination, a behavior that can increase depression risk. Another connected nature walks with decreased depression, lower stress, and improved mental well-being. The next time you're feeling bogged down, try going for a walk outdoors. Let go of the thoughts circling around in your brain and simply take in the world around you. Not only can being outside increase your mental wellness, but it can enhance your creativity as well. While walking, allow yourself to relax, think of new things, and enjoy the beauty you see. This helps you return to your everyday life with a renewed sense of wonder.
Feeling stuck in a rut can be frustrating. But with a little effort, you can add a sense of novelty, adventure, and excitement back into your life.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by that thought, you might be experiencing something more serious. Loss of interest in things you enjoyed, difficulty feeling happy emotions, and a sense of hopelessness are symptoms of depression. If what you're feeling is more than just being stuck in a rut, talk to your care provider right away.
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Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
1.Parker SK, Liao J. Wise proactivity: How to be proactive and wise in building your career. Organizational Dynamics. 2016;45(3):217-227. doi:10.1016/j.orgdyn.2016.07.007
Sep 30, 2021 · Read on to learn more and take the first steps in getting your relationship back to the place you want. Meet the Expert. Lisa Morse is a clinical psychologist in New York City who helps couples...
Nov 5, 2016 · Fulfillment at Any Age. How to Break a Relationship Out of a Rut. New research points to a way to revive romance and connect more deeply, Posted November 5, 2016. Source: Monkey Business...
