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  1. Secrets to Love

    Secrets to Love

    2008 · Documentary · 1h 3m

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    • Trust Yourself. The secret to finding lasting love is to trust your intuition, your knowing. You are the expert of you. You are the one who knows what makes you happy.
    • You Can’t Hurry Love. The biggest secret to finding lasting love is clear expectations and clear communication. We have seen so many rom-coms and fairytales that we begin to believe the myth that love is just going to fall into our laps.
    • What Gets You Together Isn’t What Keeps You Together. The strategies that help you attract a partner aren’t the same ones that support a fulfilling long-term relationship.
    • Love Is a Contract. The secret to lasting love is understanding the game. Love is much more about skill, than luck. Lasting love doesn't just happen. The negotiation for commitment begins with the first text.
    • Keep your expectations realistic. Barbara's wise counsel still resonates. I've seen many couples' love derail over expectations that each always will make the other happy and that downtimes and disappointments are signs that this love was not meant to be.
    • Make your relationship a safe place. You will not always agree. There will be times of anger and distance. But love can survive if you are gentle with each other.
    • Focus on the positives, not the negatives, of your relationship. As time goes by, irritations and annoyances can pile up. Your differences become more apparent.
    • Team up—especially in a crisis. No marriage is immune to crises: financial woes, loved ones lost, job layoffs, or problems with children. A crisis can tear a couple apart—or bring them closer together if they choose to face it together as a team.
    • Listen. How can you love someone if you don't even know them? Offer your lover the gift of being an attentive, open listener. Carolina Pataky, Ph.D., LMFT, CST, marriage therapist and co-founder of the Love Discovery Institute, tells mbg that it's important to stay present during your conversations with your significant other.
    • Use your words. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in couples therapy, tells mbg that one way to express love is surprisingly simple: Just tell them.
    • Say thank you. Research has demonstrated so many mental and physical benefits of gratitude, and that extends to romantic relationships too. Take the time to thank the person you love, even for "little" things, such as taking out the trash and doing the dishes.
    • Express interest. Expressing interest in someone's life is a timeless way to show your love, and it's a vital form of connection. This is one of the key findings of researchers John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman, whose work at The Gottman Institute has pioneered popular frameworks for marriage therapy.
  2. Dec 13, 2011 · The secrets to lifelong love are really quite simple. Why? Because love is more than a feeling, it is a decision. Lifelong love asks that we maintain positive illusions, be forgiving, re-ignite...

    • Commit to Your Relationship
    • Invest Time
    • Communicate Your Love
    • Be Spontaneous
    • Acknowledge The Thoughtful Things Your Partner Does
    • Be Supportive
    • Provide Space
    • Take The Good with The Bad
    • Avoid Put Downs
    • Be Willing to Compromise

    Decide that you are going to be in the relationship; that you are going to work toward its growth; that you will nourish it to the best of your ability. Without that commitment, you don’t have the necessary foundation to build a loving relationship. That is why this first step is crucial. If you have that commitment, read on. NOTE: It’s never too l...

    The workaholic who works 60 hours a week might say, “I love my family so much. I’m working hard to provide for them.” That’s not love. Remember, love is not a feeling; it’s not words. It’s an action that you decide to take. M. Scott Peck, M.D., in his book, The Road Less Traveled, states, One of the most important ways to demonstrate love is to spe...

    There are countless and effective ways to do this. When my husband notices I’m in a hurry, he makes the bed for me in order to give me a few additional minutes in the morning. If I run out of a certain food I love, he stops at the store to pick it up; he saves the last of anything for me. If he never said the words I love you, I would still know he...

    Relationships can fall into ruts. Years together can dull the excitement felt in the beginning when everything is new. It doesn’t have to stay that way. Spontaneity can liven any relationship. Imagine yourself walking into the kitchen, wondering what to make for dinner, not feeling like cooking at all. Suddenly, your husband walks in and says, “Tak...

    One of the ways to be a more loving partner is to acknowledge all your partner does for you. You might be taking your partner for granted and not even realizing it. Do you thank them for doing the laundry, walking the dog, making dinner, doing the dishes, working out, replacing the soap and shampoo before it runs out, etc? There are a million littl...

    When I decided to go back to school to become a therapist, it would mean a great deal of sacrifice. I would eventually have to quit my job; come up with tuition money, and devote time for studying. My husband said, “You’ll make a great therapist. We’ll make it work.” When I decided to write The Healing Alphabet, 26 Empowering Ways to Enrich Your Li...

    Clinginess can ruin a relationship. Too much of anything can be deleterious to its survival. Yes, it’s good to spend time together. In fact, I recommend it, but it’s also good to find a healthy balance. Providing space means you allow your partner to express himself/herself in the way they enjoy. Allowing your partner time with friends and family i...

    A good relationship takes a lot of work. The day you married your partner, you probably thought you’d hit the jackpot by marrying the most perfect being on this earth. That day, you didn’t think about the fact they kept you awake snoring, laughed like a hyena, scratched the wrong places in public, chewed with their mouths open, and who knows what e...

    Here’s the thing, when you’re in a relationship, you pretty much know everything about your partner–the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s easy to resort to put downs when you’re angry and upset about something they’ve done. For example, let’s suppose they’re late for a movie. It happens. Don’t start in with, “Late again?! Jeez, you’re never on time...

    Relationships are partnerships. Often, one or both of the people involved forget that; they’re a little too self-absorbed, always wanting what they want when they want it regardless of how their partner feels. Since all relationships require some form of compromise to be successful, the couple has to work as a team. It’s always a give and take; a q...

  3. Jun 12, 2014 · Gottman wanted to know more about how the masters created that culture of love and intimacy, and how the disasters squashed it.

  4. Feb 13, 2023 · 12 basic rules for long, lasting relationships. If Valentine's Day has you thinking about finding love, the holiday could be a good motivation to start. These tips will boost your chances. Create...

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