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Mar 14, 2022 · Key points. Friends with benefits relationships typically have rules, a recent study found. In the study, 80 percent of people in FWB relationships talked about them with their partner....
- Overview
- What Does a Friends With Benefits Relationship Look Like?
- Is Being Friends With Benefits Right for You?
- How to Make Being Friends With Benefits Work
- Does Being Friends With Benefits Lead to Dating?
- Closing considerations
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Friends with benefits is a relationship dynamic in which people who are friends or friendly with each other agree to be physically or sexually intimate, without the commitment or expectations typically associated with a traditional romantic relationship.
It is a type of casual arrangement that exists somewhere between a friendship and a romantic relationship.
People in these types of relationships enjoy spending time together but do not have a commitment to one another, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert.
These are some of the key characteristics of a friends with benefits relationship:
•Friendship: As the name suggests, a friends with benefits relationship often starts with friendship. The people involved know each other to some degree, may share common interests, care about and respect each other, and enjoy spending time together as friends.
•Physical intimacy: The “benefits” of this arrangement may include sex and other forms of physical intimacy like kissing and cuddling, says Dr. Romanoff.
•Casual hangouts: These relationships may include casual hangouts like watching movies together, cooking each other dinner, having sleepovers, and spending time with each other’s friends, says Dr. Romanoff.
•Lack of expectations: These relationships are about enjoying each other’s company without any commitment or expectations that they will progress into a romantic relationship, says Dr. Romanoff.
•Non-exclusivity: Friends with benefits arrangements are often non-exclusive, with partners free to date other people if they like.
If you’re wondering whether a friends with benefits arrangement is right for you, here are some factors to consider.
Being friends with benefits might work for you if:
•You want intimacy without commitment: This relationship is right for you if you want the intimacy of a relationship but don’t want commitment or monogamy, says Dr. Romanoff. It may be particularly beneficial for people who don’t have the time, energy, or desire for a committed relationship but still want a physical connection with someone.
•You don’t want the complications of a relationship: This arrangement may work for you if you want the benefits of a relationship without the more challenging aspects of a commitment like compromise, vulnerability, sacrifice, and trying to meet many of each other’s needs and expectations, says Dr. Romanoff.
•You enjoy your friend but don’t see it working out long-term: A friends with benefits relationship can work for you if you’re attracted to a friend and like spending time with them, but don’t see yourself in an exclusive, committed relationship with them. This may be because of value differences, like if you ultimately want marriage or children and your friend doesn't.
On the other hand, being friends with benefits might not be a good idea for you if:
If you decide to pursue a friends with benefits relationship, these are some tips that can help you make it work:
•Communicate clearly: Communication is key to making these relationships work, says Dr. Romanoff. It’s important to define the relationship and discuss the boundaries so there are no misunderstandings.
•Be honest: It’s crucial to be honest with the other person—and yourself—about what you want and how you’re feeling, says Dr. Romanoff.
•Establish ground rules and boundaries: Agreeing on rules and establishing boundaries can help form a foundation trust and stability in the dynamic. It can be helpful to establish ground rules around things like how often you will meet, which activities are allowed and which are off-limits, whether you will see other people and what to share or not about your dating lives, what birth control you will use, and what you will or won't tell others about your arrangement, says Dr. Romanoff.
•Respect each other and each other’s boundaries shared: For this relationship to work, it’s important to honor each other's boundaries and privacy. Avoid violating the rules of the relationship and treat each other with consideration, kindness, and mutual respect.
•Have regular check-ins: Dr. Romanoff recommends having regular check-ins with each other about how it’s going. She also recommends checking in with yourself to see whether the relationship is still serving you and what you want–just because it worked for you in the beginning does not mean it will continue to work down the line.
Being friends with benefits can sometimes lead to dating or a more serious romantic relationship; however, that’s not always the case.
In fact, a 2013 study with over 308 participants who had been in friends with benefits arrangements found that the majority of them did not lead to more committed relationships. The researchers note that most of the relationships dissolved back into friendships.
There is no hard and fast rule about where this dynamic leads, says Dr. Romanoff. “There are many variables that impact this trajectory.”
If you find that you’ve developed romantic feelings for someone you’re in this arrangement with, it’s important to tell them how you feel.
Once you share your feelings, you can either work together to meet each other’s needs or end the arrangement to find someone who you can help you reach your relationship goals, says Dr. Romanoff.
It’s not a good idea to stay in this arrangement if you have deeper feelings for the person and want more than they’re giving you. Being friends with benefits can give you a false sense of hope with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you and keep you from meeting your relationship goals with someone who does.
Navigating a friends with benefits situation can be easy and straightforward for some people, and not so much for others—so if you choose to try this relationship dynamic it's important to proceed with caution and check in with your friend often.
This type of relationship can have lots of benefits, and can be particularly helpful when it comes to having physical intimacy needs met. It can also help you in learning more about what you like, practicing getting your sexual needs met in a mutually consenting way, and having fun and enjoying your sexuality and connections with others.
How to Know If You Are in a Healthy Relationship
2 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
1.Owen J, Fincham FD, Polser G. Couple identity, sacrifice, and availability of alternative partners: dedication in friends with benefits relationships. Arch Sex Behav. 2017;46(6):1785-1791. doi:10.1007/s10508-016-0716-4
- Leave your emotions out of the equation. The key to a successful FWB relationship is not catching feelings. Successful FWB relationships look at sex in a transactional way.
- Choose someone you don't know well as your FWB. Look for an FWB outside your normal friend group. Starting fresh with a new person is easiest—nothing in the past weighing you down.
- State your expectations clearly from the start. Tell the person your goals for the relationship. Be upfront about what you want out of this relationship—fun sex with a side of friendship and respect, please.
- Set boundaries for acceptable behavior. Talk about what each of you is comfortable with in the relationship. To set strong boundaries, anticipate what might make you uncomfortable, upset, or jealous, and draw a line there.
- Get clear on your definition of what it means to be friends with benefits. What "friends with benefits" means is different to everyone, so don't assume what you're envisioning is the same as what the other person is thinking.
- Understand what your partner wants from the relationship. Not only should you be totally honest about these things, but Vrangalova stresses the importance of encouraging your partner to share exactly what they want too.
- Check in with each other regularly. "Check in periodically to make sure what's happening is still OK," Battle recommends. "Should there be more boundaries or fewer?
- Talk about your feelings. A lot of people think FWB is an easy way to get sex and have fun without actually needing to talk about the squishy stuff. Battle and Vrangalova disagree completely.
Jul 22, 2021 · Tips. Red flags. Let's recap. We’ve spoken with experts to explore what friends with benefits really involves — and how to make it work. Esteve Grasset/Getty Images. Chances are you’ve seen at...
- Chantelle Pattemore
Aug 10, 2022 · Friends with Benefits Rules. 1. Honesty is Key. 2. Choose Wisely. 3. No Sleepovers. 4. Communicate About Sexual Health. 5. Set Clear Expectations. 6. Establish Boundaries. 7. Maintain Open Communication. 8. Don’t Get Jealous. 9. Keep Dating. 10. Assess Emotional Maturity. 11. Don’t Get an FWB You Already Have Feelings For. 12.
Jul 31, 2014 · 1.They are time limited. The lifespan of your love affair is limited and you have to come to terms with that going into the arrangement. 2.There are rules to the frequency of engagement. Basically, anywhere from once a week to once a month is acceptable, unless, it's a holiday or long weekend.
