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The good and bad cop only paves way for inclination towards one of the parents which alters the growth of a child and brings out a sense of disrespect and impertinence towards the other parent.
Are you and your partner always playing “good cop, bad cop” with your child? Learn how to put up a united front when parenting kids with learning and thinking differences.
- Start from a place of values. Rather than honing in on a particular, likely mundane parenting disagreement (“I can’t believe you gave him another cookie!”)
- Focus on where you and your partner’s experiences overlap, rather than where they diverge. For example, one parent may always give in to a child’s distress, whereas the other may prefer allowing the child to “tough it out.”
- Once you have landed on some common values, shift gears to speaking in more concrete, actionable terms. How can you both commit to achieving the values to which you aspire?
- Recognize, consciously and explicitly, that your child’s relationship with your partner is going to look different from the one they have with you. Sharing parenting values, and agreeing on the steps needed to embody those values, does not mean the goal is to create two parents who are clones of each other.
- It Divides The Family.
- It Creates Instability.
- It Makes Kids Choose sides.
- It Can Create Unhealthy Gender Labels.
- It Pits One Parent Against The other.
Good cop/bad cop parenting illustrates that the two parents are not on the same page, and this is confusing to kids. “Children need to know that their parents are working together as a team and want to support their best interest,” says Tammi Van Hollander, LCSW, RPT, a family and child therapist at Main Line Therapy. If kids are getting conflictin...
Stability, comfort and predictability help foster positive parent-child relationships, which is critical for a child, says to Dr. Jeffrey J. Froh, an associate professor of psychology at Hofstra University and author of Making Grateful Kids: The Science of Building Character. If the rules are always changing, depending on which parent is in charge,...
Kids often will ask one parent for something and when they say no, will go to the other. If Parent No. 2 gives in, they become the “good cop” and No. 1 becomes the “bad” one. Kids then start to follow a pattern of asking the “easier” parent for things they want, which ultimately ends up with kids choosing sides or picking a “favorite.” “This is con...
It’s important for kids to grow up with an open mind when it comes to gender and stereotypes, even in different-sex-parent households. If one parent in a different-sex couple is always being the “nice” one, it encourages gender bias and assumptions at a young age. For example, if Mom is always pushing for homework to get done, she can be viewed as ...
Having to always be the enforcer — for homework, chores, and other tasks — can make one parent feel resentful toward the other. Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated by their children, but being the disciplinarian and making sure rules are followed is important for kids’ growth and development — and it’s something both parents should be doing....
Apr 16, 2024 · Parenting. The good cop, bad cop approach may work well when eliciting criminal confessions, but it was never intended for the home. You might notice it when one parent says, “Don’t tell your father [or mother]” and then modifies or subverts what the other parent said.
Sep 26, 2023 · Host, Danielle Bettmann, describes the vicious cycle that Good Cop and Bad Cop dynamics creates that plays over and over between parenting partners when parenting a strong-willed child.
May 12, 2022 · Family Therapy: Avoiding the “Good/Cop Bad Cop” Trap With Kids. Establishing a healthy parenting balance ensures both caregivers share the burden of enforcing rules and saying no. Carl Grody. “I’m so tired of being ‘bad cop,’” a mom said during our session. “I want to be the fun parent for once.”.
