Natural Born Killers
1994
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Jan 22, 2021 · Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners. “7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.”. – Steven Wright. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”. – Steven Wright. “A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.”. – Steven Wright.
- January Nelson
- “I’m going to court next week. I’ve been selected for jury duty. It’s kind of an insane case. 6,000 ants dressed up as rice and robbed a Chinese restaurant …I don’t think they did it.
- “I tried to hang myself with bungee cord… Kept almost dying.” Advertisement.
- “I was walking down the street, there was a sign stapled to a telephone pole that said: Reward, lost $50. If found, just keep it”
- “So I was laying in bed with my girlfriend reading the second hand diary that I bought… ‘I don't remember this.’ She said, “Let me ask you a question: If you could know how and when you were gonna die would you want to know?’
Discover Steven Wright famous and rare quotes. Share funny quotes by Steven Wright and quotations about comedy and cars. "Why is the third hand on a watch..."
- “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.” ― Steven Wright.
- “If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.” ― Steven Wright.
- “I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.” ― Steven Wright.
- “Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.” ― Steven Wright.
Jan 9, 2023 · Steven Wright Quotes: Best Of. Steven Wright is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.
Find hilarious and witty quotes by American comedian Steven Wright, who is known for his absurd and surreal humor. Browse through his collection of one-liners, puns, and paradoxes on BrainyQuote.
Nov 22, 2023 · "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" Even if you had a bag that was big enough to put everything else inside of it, where would you put that bag? (Image credit: The Rich Eisen Show)...
