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- Overview
- Reasons Your Husband Looks at Women Online
- Talking to Your Husband
- Is it normal for married men to look at other women?
If you’ve stumbled upon your husband (or boyfriend) looking at photos of other women on social media or other popular online platforms, it’s reasonable to feel confused, upset, or even betrayed. While it’s possible that this is a sign he’s compensating for something missing in your relationship, know that this is very common and may not be a bad sign. In this article, we’ll walk through why men do this, what it probably means to him, and what you can do to articulate your boundaries and put an end to this behavior if that’s what you want.
This article is based on an interview with our licensed professional counselor, Tara Vossenkemper, founder of Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC.
Check out the full interview here.
If he’s casually looking at women on social media, he’s probably just admiring their beauty without getting emotionally invested.
It’s likely a physical attraction and nothing more.
If you’ve ever looked at a photo of a hot guy and just admired him, that could be exactly what your husband is doing. He could have zero emotional connection to the person he’s looking at—even if you find that especially unlikely. For some guys, a cute girl is just a cute girl and that’s it.
If your husband tells you he was just looking at an attractive woman and that’s it
he doesn’t have a history of lying or going behind your back, you’re probably safe to believe him.
He may be curious about how an ex or old friend looks these days.
Did you catch him scrolling through social media photos of an old girlfriend or someone he used to know? This could be his way of acting out a relationship with the “one who got away,” but the odds are much higher this is just benign curiosity. Social media is an awesome way to check up on old friends, so he might just be checking in.
Ask your husband to discuss this if you’re bothered by his behavior.
Ask your husband if you two can talk and
approach the conversation in a calm, productive way
Tell him how you feel and ask him to honestly explain why he’s looking at other women online. If you aren’t comfortable with it, ask him to stop.
Use “I” language to voice your concerns.
Using “I” Language will keep the conversation from feeling like a confrontation or an attack, and it prioritizes the way you personally feel, which is important. By framing the convo around your experience (as opposed to his action), you’ll have an easier time getting him to empathize with you. [7]
It’s relatively common for men to look at other women online.
Basically everybody will come across photos of attractive people online at some point—even if they aren’t seeking it out on purpose. When it comes to lewd photographs or porn, that’s pretty common as well. Roughly 70% of men will look at this stuff when they’re in a relationship, so this is very ubiquitous behavior.
There’s a difference between just looking at someone, and ogling them in front of you in a way that’s disrespectful.
The fact that this is relatively normal does
mean you’re wrong for being suspicious or upset. Every relationship has different rules, norms, and boundaries; if he has violated one of them, this is not okay.
It may not be a big deal if he’s just appreciating someone’s beauty.
People also ask
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