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Dec 12, 2023 · Elevate your humor game with these witty and hilarious stand-up comedy jokes! Find snappy punchlines, clever quips, and side-splitting anecdotes.
- Best Jokes from Comedians
- Classic One-Liners
- Cringe-Worthy (But Amusing) Puns
- And Some Jokes For The Kids
“A spa hotel? It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble.” – Rhod Gilbert “Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.” – Joe Lycett “My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.” – Mark Watson “Apparently smoking cannabis can affect ...
I’m in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a year’s supply of Marmite – one jar. I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said: “Are you two an item?” I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair. I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up ...
A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy. Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how they turn out. My colleague can no longer attend next week’s Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? Because they might peel! What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milk shake! Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies! How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call...
- 36 sec
- Alex Nelson
Too many cheetahs. Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day, and buy tickets to live shows at our comedy clubs.
- Jerry Seinfeld on funerals. "Proof that we don't understand death is that we give dead people a pillow." And for more comedy jokes, check out 30 Funniest Memes of All Time.
- Chris Rock on minimum wage. "I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boss was trying to say?
- David Letterman on baseball food. "Do you know what I love most about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. And that's just in the hot dogs."
- Bob Newhart on Country Music. "I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for those who like country music, denigrate means to 'put down.'"
Feb 3, 2024 · Comedy Central Stand-Up - over 10,000 funny stand-up videos, comedian tweets & jokes + the latest in stand-up news, stand-up specials, comedy tours & events.
Whether you’re revisiting a classic special from a legendary comedian or discovering a new favorite performance, Comedy Central Stand-Up is a gold mine of both original material and exclusive...
