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Hold him." One liner tags: death, friendship, life, rude, sarcastic. 79.35 % / 244 votes. 1 2 3 4. Next one liners →. Absolutely hillarious death one-liners! The largest collection of death one-line jokes in the world. All sorted from the best by our visitors. See TOP 10 death one liners.
Get ready to keel over laughing! Death is no laughing matter. It’s actually the worst thing ever. I’m dead serious! So, here are some funny death jokes, puns, and one liners to lighten the mood. But if they don’t, you’ll die laughing! Note: This post may contain affiliate links, which means if you buy from my link I might make a small commission.
- Celebrations of Death
- Funny Death Puns
- Funny Funeral Puns
- How About Some Zombie Puns?
- 13 Puns I Made Up For This Post
- Cemetery Puns
- Funny Death Quotes
- 11 Stoic Quotes About Death
- Questions
While death seems morbid to us now, that hasn’t always been the case. In the past, many cultures celebrated death.
At his death bed, Achilles realized that they were going to lose the war and uttered his last words, “Defeet hurts.” Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. My father expired when we were not able to remember his blood type. We kept asking him his blood type, but he kept insisting that we “be positive.” The seven ages of man: spills, d...
Never get on a funeral director’s bad side. Remember, cremation destroys 100% of DNA. Thanks to our funeral director for being the last person to let us down. Being a funeral director is a dying profession. A funeral director friend of mine bought a brand new Cadillac hearse. People are dying to take a ride in it. What do you call a coffee shop tha...
If you have a zombie friend who’s a light eater and asks you to join them for coffee so they can “pick your brain…” Think twice. What’s the slogan for Zombie Skittles? Taste the Brainbow. What’s your favorite quote from Zombie Romeo and Juliet? “Zombie or not Zombie, that is the question.” What is your favorite Zombie Socrates quote? “Zombie is to ...
The grave digger spent many hours practicing his craft because he was so dead-icated. The mortician still takes classes, wanting to further her dead-ucation. Anyone buried in a cemetery becomes a new dead-dition to the graveyard club. She did this for her own dead-ification. Sherlock Holmes solved the case of the missing corpse using dead-uction. T...
I was driving along Cemetery Road when I came upon a Dead End sign. My friend convinced me to visit Karl Marx’s grave. It turns out it’s just a communist plot. I just visited my late grandmother’s grave in the cemetery. When I went there, I found her dancing! It was quite the Plot Twist. Gravediggers are overweight due to their cemetery lifestyle. ...
“There are more dead people than living, and their numbers are increasing. The living are getting rarer.” -Eugene Ionesco (playwright) “I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.” -Doug Benson “My father was from Aberdeen and a more g...
Congratulations if you’ve made it this far! I know it seems morbid, but death is inevitable. Death is going to happen. Dreading and fearing it will only make the few years we have less enjoyable. Here are a few quotes about death from the Stoics. “I cannot escape death, but at least I can escape the fear of it.” -Epictetus “It’s better to conquer g...
References:
1. https://dailystoic.com/memento-mori 2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danse_Macabre 3. https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/bee-in-your-bonnet.html
Grim Reaper. When I die, I want someone to dress as the Grim Reaper and stand in front of the casket without saying a word to anyone. Smokin’ hot. Being cremated is my last hope for a smokin’ hot body. I put the fun in fun eral. You can’t spell funeral without fun. One day closer… As soon as you’re born you start dying.
Apr 7, 2024 · From clever wordplay to dark one-liners, these jokes are sure to get a chuckle out of everyone in attendance. While funerals are typically somber affairs, injecting even a little humor into the proceedings can help ease the tension and bring a smile to people’s faces.
Aug 22, 2023 · In this post, we will traverse the witty lanes and alleyways of humor, bringing you 200 of the best one-liners to tickle your funny bone and brighten up your day. Jump in and start laughing now!
