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Oct 30, 2020 · The bottom line: Abuse is never okay. An abusive relationship erodes your integrity, your self-esteem, your individuality, your independence, and your personal sense of purpose. It may be ...
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- Overview
- Signs of Emotional Abuse
- Types of Emotional Abuse
- Impact of Emotional Abuse
- Tips for Dealing With Emotional Abuse
- What Doesn't Work With Emotional Abuse
- Healing From Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse involves controlling another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate them. While most common in dating and married relationships, mental or emotional abuse can occur in any relationship—including among friends, family members, and co-workers.
In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health.
The underlying goal of emotional abuse is to control the other person by discrediting, isolating, and silencing them. It is one of the hardest forms of abuse to recognize as it can be subtle and insidious. But it can also be overt and manipulative.
Either way, emotional abuse can chip away at your self-esteem, and you can begin to doubt your perceptions and reality. In the end, you may feel trapped. Emotionally abused people are often too wounded to endure the relationship any longer, but also too afraid to leave. So, the cycle repeats itself until something is done.
Press Play for Advice on Setting Boundaries
Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, shares tips on setting healthy boundaries.
There are several red flags of emotional abuse. Keep in mind that even if your partner, parent, co-worker, or friend only does a handful of these things versus doing them all, your relationship with them is still emotionally abusive.
When considering your relationship, also remember that emotional abuse is often subtle. As a result, it can be extremely hard to detect the signs. If you are having trouble discerning whether your relationship is abusive, think about how your interactions make you feel.
If you feel wounded, frustrated, confused, misunderstood, depressed, anxious, or worthless any time you interact with the other person, chances are high that your relationship is emotionally abusive.
Also, don't fall into the trap of telling yourself that "it's not that bad" and minimize the other person's behavior. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, including you. Realizing this can help you stop the emotional abuse cycle.
Emotional abuse can take several different forms, including:
•Accusations of cheating or other signs of jealousy and possessiveness
•Constant checking on or attempting to control the other person's behavior
•Constantly arguing or opposing
•Criticizing
•Gaslighting
Research indicates that the consequences of emotional abuse are just as severe as those of physical abuse. Except, instead of physical marks and bruises, your wounds are invisible to others—hidden in the self-doubt, worthlessness, and self-loathing you may feel.
When emotional abuse is severe and ongoing, you can lose your entire sense of self. Over time, the accusations, verbal abuse, name-calling, criticisms, and gaslighting can erode your sense of self so much that you can no longer see yourself realistically.
Consequently, you may begin to agree with the abuser and become internally critical. Once this happens, you become trapped in the abusive relationship, believing that you will never be good enough for anyone else. Eventually, you may pull back from friendships and isolate yourself, convinced that no one likes you.
Emotional abuse can impact friendships because emotionally abused people often worry about how people see them and if they truly like them.
What's more, emotional abuse can cause a number of health problems. Mental health effects of abuse include depression, anxiety, and sometimes the development of an eating disorder. Being abused emotionally can also impact you physically, causing you to develop stomach ulcers, heart palpitations, and insomnia.
What Is Post Traumatic Relationship Syndrome?
The first step in dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship is to recognize the abuse. If you are able to identify any aspect of emotional abuse in your relationship, it is important to acknowledge that first and foremost.
By being honest about what you are experiencing, you can begin to take control of your life again. Here are seven more strategies for reclaiming your life that you can put into practice today.
Sometimes attempts to deal with or reduce emotional abuse can backfire and actually make the abuse worse. Some tactics that are not effective ways of dealing with abuse include:
•Arguing with the abuser. Trying to argue with an abuser can escalate the problem and may result in violence. There is no way to argue with an abuser because they will always find more ways to blame, shame, or criticize. They may also try to turn the tables and play the victim.
•Trying to understand or make excuses for the abuser. It might be tempting to try to make sense of the other person's behavior or to come up with excuses to justify their actions. Finding ways to sympathize with or minimize an abuser's actions can make leaving the situation that much more difficult.
•Attempting to appease the abuser. Appeasing the other person might seem like a form of de-escalation, but it tends to backfire in the long run and may serve to enable further abuse. Instead of trying to change yourself or your behaviors to suit the abuser's whims, focus on establishing clear boundaries and avoid engaging with them if possible.
If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained advocates.
For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
If you've experienced emotional abuse, there are a few things you can do to aid in the healing process.
•Acknowledge the abuse. Stop minimizing or even denying the abuse and admit that it did happen so you can begin to heal from it.
•Make a commitment to yourself. Commit to stopping the emotional abuse cycle. Also, commit to sticking with the healing process no matter how long it takes because you are worth it and deserve to live a happy life.
•Practice self-compassion. Give yourself the same level of compassion, kindness, and flexibility to grow as you would give a friend who has experienced emotional abuse.
•Reach out to loved ones. Get in touch with the people who care about and support you so they can help you through this difficult time.
•Seek counseling. Psychotherapy can help you put your emotionally abusive relationship into perspective while also providing tools for overcoming the abuse.
- Sherri Gordon
Abuse defined. Domestic violence (also referred to as intimate partner violence (IPV), dating abuse, or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate.
“An emotionally abusive relationship is one where there exists a misuse and abuse of power aimed at isolating, manipulating, and controlling the victim for the...
Nov 7, 2021 · 2.4K views. Table of Contents. What is domestic violence? 3 Types of Domestic Violence in Abusive Relationships. Key Indicators of Abusive Relationships. Signs of physical abuse. Signs of psychological abuse. How to protect yourself or your loved one from abusive relationships. Final Thoughts. Resources.
