Search results
Jan 20, 2015 · The term “launch” refers to pivotal developmental milestones and transformations, the first of which occurs in early development when learning the skills necessary for more independent ...
Oct 20, 2023 · Learn what failure to launch syndrome is, why it happens, and how to cope with it. Find out the benefits of therapy and self-care for young adults who struggle to become independent.
- What Causes Failure to Launch Syndrome?Each person experiencing failure to launch has unique reasons; however, there are several contributing factors that underlie this disruption in dev...
- What Disorders Can Worsen Failure to Launch?Existing mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may worsen failure to launch. These mental he...
- How Can You Help A Young Adult With Failure to Launch?Rather than approaching your young adult with the idea of “fixing” them, become a support system. Abruptly cutting off all assistance with little o...
Dec 20, 2021 · If your son is still living at home in his 20s, you may face the challenge of failure-to-launch syndrome. Learn what causes it, how to talk to your kid and when to seek professional help.
- Overview
- What Is Failure to Launch Syndrome?
- Is Failure to Launch a Mental Illness?
- What Is Failure to Launch Syndrome Most Associated With?
- Recognizing the Signs
- Understanding the Impact on Individuals and Families
- How Do You 'Fix' Failure to Launch Syndrome?
- Takeaway
Trending Videos
Let’s be honest: the young adult years can be really tough—on both individuals and their families. Honestly, the challenges of this time of time aren’t talked about nearly enough.
Sometimes a young person finds themselves in a position where it’s difficult to become independent from their parents. They may still live at home, can’t find work, or are having trouble feeling motivated or able to leave the nest. When this happens, it’s often referred to as “failure to launch,” which refers to the phenomenon where young adults have trouble becoming independent from their folks.
If you are experiencing “failure to launch syndrome,” or if you are a parent whose child is in this position, you probably have a lot of questions and concerns. You might want to know what is causing this issue, signs and symptoms, impacts—and most importantly, how to go about addressing it.
A 23-year-old college grad who still lives at home. A 19-year-old who realized college wasn’t the right path, but can’t seem to figure out what the next step is, and is still living with their folks. A 25-year-old who goes from job to job, and can’t seem to find steady work…or the motivation to get off their parents' couch.
These are just some examples of young people who might be described as having failure to launch syndrome.
“I would define failure to launch syndrome as difficulty gaining and maintaining independence from one's family of origin and difficulty completing typical developmental tasks,” says Alyssa Frers, LPC, a licensed professional counselor in Texas.
What age does this typically affect? “Young adults aged 18-30, and their families, most often present with these concerns,” Frers says.
It's important to keep in mind that living at home for several years in your 20s can actually be normal for some people. In many cultures, in fact, this is expected. “In some cultures, failing to become independent by a certain age is not an expected developmental task, so in that case, it would not be considered maladaptive, but a usual and valued way of life to continue to live alongside the family of origin into adulthood,” Frers describes.
Additionally, for many young people, an inability to become independent and provide for themselves isn’t entirely in their control. For example, economic barriers can make it challenging for many young people to secure employment or afford housing.
Here’s the thing: Though many people may be described as having it, failure to launch is not an official mental illness. It is not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), and is not a widely studied phenomenon. Still, it’s well recognized by many experts.
“While failure to launch is not an official diagnosis, it is a psychological phenomenon that reflects a stalling of development,” says Erika Bach, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist in New York. Moreover, young people who are having trouble being financially and emotionally independent of their parents may be facing higher levels of mental health challenges than their peers, according to Dr. Bach.
“Anyone who is struggling with mental health issues, like depression, severe anxiety, OCD, or other mental health conditions might find that taking on additional responsibilities feels as though it is too much,” Dr. Bach says. As such, people struggling with mental health issues may have more trouble with the responsibilities of adulthood or making a transition out of their parents’ care.
List of Psychological Disorders
Oftentimes, young people who are struggling to become independent are thought of as spoiled or lazy and their parents are branded as indulgent. This stigma can make it even more challenging for both parents and their kids to move forward and find a path toward healthy independence from one another.
But we shouldn’t overgeneralize or point fingers when it comes to failure to launch. The reasons behind it are complicated and multi-factored, says Dr. Bach. “As with anything psychologically, it is generally not just one factor that determines a failure to launch—multiple elements come together to bring failure to launch to fruition,” she says.
What are some of those factors and associations? According to Dr. Bach, how a person was parented in the teen years might impact how able a young adult is to function independently.
“For example, parents might take care of their child's non-academic needs as a way to show love and to help the focus solely focus on school; however, they are unconsciously sending messaging that that the child can only handle one task at a time, and never gives them the opportunity to learn how to manage the many responsibilities that come with being an adult,” she explains.
Children who grew up with anxiety and perfectionism may also have trouble “launching” as adults. The fear of failure may hold them back. This may be especially true if they are allowed to avoid situations where they might experience failure. “Children who learn to procrastinate and avoid difficult tasks due to anxiety, perfectionism, or lack of self-confidence may find it easier to avoid launching,” Dr. Bach says.
Over-parenting and a lack of necessary life skills may also be contributing factors, Frers says. But again, she says that trying to boil it down to one of these things isn’t the best approach.
Failure to launch looks different from one person to another. According to Frers, some signs that a young person is experiencing it include:
•An inability to reach developmental milestones at the same rate as a their peers, such as learning to drive or moving toward personal, educational, or career goals
•Difficulty planning or considering the logistics of financial independence
•Lack of motivation in exploring personal interests
•Over-dependence on parents
•Generally struggling with adults responsibilities
Individuals
Individuals affected by failure to launch are likely to experience a mix of feelings, many of them uncomfortable. It may be difficult to talk about how you are feeling, and shame and embarrassment are common. “For the individual who experiences failure to launch, they are likely to feel shame surrounding not having met certain milestones expected of them,” Dr. Bach describes. Additionally, individuals may feel unhappy about the burdens placed on them. They may become “frustrated or anxious about their family's or community's expectations,” Frers says.
Families
The impacts of failure to launch also strongly impact the individual’s parents and family. “Families may become concerned or frustrated with an individual's lack of progress towards developmentally expected goals,” Frers explains. Family members also may have challenges maintaining boundaries with their child, and may face difficulties navigating a new “adult to adult” relationship between parent and child, Frers says. Resentfulness is also often common on the part of parents. “Families often feel frustrated and resentful of the individual for not changing and for consuming further resources (both time and money), as well as feel stuck and helpless, not knowing what they can do to change the dynamic,” Dr. Bach notes. 3 Ways a Lack of Boundaries Is Hurting Your Relationship
Therapy
Therapy is one of the most effective ways to manage failure to launch. “Counseling can help address the challenges around failure to launch syndrome, whether it is individual counseling for the person who is expected to launch, or family therapy to help moderate family dynamics during the transitional period,” says Frers. Individual therapy is a great place to start for anyone struggling with failure to launch. Think of therapy as “a safe place to unpack how you got to be here in a curious and nonjudgmental way,” Dr. Bach describes. Therapy can help you better understand the situation you are in, learn to accept yourself, and figure out healthy ways to move forward and become more independent. “The key is to take small, actionable steps that are feasible so as to improve feelings of agency and competence,” Dr. Bach recommends.
Tips for Parents
If you are a parent, you probably feel like you are walking a bit of a tightrope while dealing with your failure to launch kid. You want to set boundaries and encourage independence, but also keep the relationship loving and warm. Frers offered the following tips for parents dealing with this challenge: Set clear boundaries and rules Clearly communicate your expectations for your child Set clear timeframes if offering physical or financial support; for example, you will provide financial support of X amount, and for Y amount of time Provide help, but don’t enable Only provide help if you won’t resent it Seek counseling when needed, both for yourself and your child Types of Therapy: An A to Z List of Your Options
If you or your family is dealing with a case of “failure to launch” you are probably feeling frustrated, embarrassed, and alone. We know how challenging this experience can be. But you are not alone. So many young adults and their families are going through this same exact thing. Just acknowledging what is going on is such a positive first step!
The main thing to keep in mind is that there are things you can do to move forward. It’s all about communicating your needs, your boundaries—and seeking therapy and counseling when needed.
How to Choose the Best Type of Therapy For You
4 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
1.Lebowitz ER. Family Impairment Associated With Childhood Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2017;56(3):187-188. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2017.01.002
May 18, 2019 · Learn about the phenomenon of young adults who stay at home, don't work, and avoid adulthood. Find out the causes, consequences, and solutions for failure to launch or Peter Pan syndrome.
Oct 7, 2022 · Failure to launch syndrome is a term for a young adult who lives at home and remains highly dependent on their parents. It can be a sign of mental health issues, such as anxiety or depression, or a result of social and cultural trends, such as the pandemic or the increase of multigenerational living. Learn how to help your child with this condition and avoid the accommodation trap.
People also ask
Why do young adults fail to launch?
What is failure to launch syndrome?
What causes a child to fail to launch?
Can a life coach fix 'failure-to-launch syndrome'?
Nov 30, 2018 · Peter Pan syndrome, also called failure to launch, is a refusal to accept adult responsibilities and adopt social norms of adulthood. It can apply to people of any gender, age, and culture. It may be influenced by factors such as gender roles, anxiety, loneliness, fear of commitment, and mental health diagnoses. Therapy can help people understand and overcome their symptoms.
