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President Trump: "“It turns out to be true now, that the Department of Justice and the FBI, under President Obama, rigged the investigation for Hillary and really turned the screws on Trump, and now it looks like in a corrupt & illegal way. The facts are out now. Whole Hoax exposed. @JesseBWatters"
3 days ago · The late, great, king of the one-liner, surrealist comedian Mitch Hedberg, told more than one joke about Subway restaurants. One was about how ducks eat for free at Subway. Another was about Kilkenny, Ireland, where for Hedberg the only familiar thing was Subway. He called it his own personal American embassy.
3 days ago · 1 Mitch Hedberg Says Safety First “I got a fire alarm at home, but it’s more like a nine-volt battery slowly-drainer. ‘Do you want to slowly get rid of your nine-volt batteries? Then buy this circle.’”
2 days ago · 1 How Mitch Hedberg Made Friends “I like the public hot tub at the hotels, the whirlpool. I like to go there when there’s a guy in there already and say, ‘Hey, man, you mind if I join ya?’ And he says, ‘No.’ Then I go and I turn the whirlpool heat up. Then I come by and I add some carrots and onions.
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2 days ago · “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that seem right? That means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy."
