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Sep 1, 2021 · -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. -I need to find somewhere to camp now! {Birds wings fluttering} {Grunting} -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that.
Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. [Chuckling] Donkey: [Sighs] I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. Shrek: [Gulps] Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare-- you name it. Fiona:
Apr 22, 2001 · View Shrek (Script) samples. Tags. Non-Music. SHREK / Written by / William Steig & Ted Elliott / SHREK / Once upon a time there was a lovely / princess. But she had an enchantment / upon...
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- Overview
- Transcript
- NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S SWAMP
- THE NEXT DAY - FOREST
- DULOC - DUNGEON
- DULOC KINGDOM - EXTERIOR
- DULOC - INTERIOR
- ARENA
- VEGETABLE FIELD
This is the transcript for the 2001 film, Shrek
Shrek: Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison; but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower. For her true love and true love's first kiss.
(Shrek chuckles and rips out a page of the book and closes it. Well, that’s okay!)
Shrek: Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - !! (toilet flushes)
("All Star" by Smash Mouth Playing)
(We see an outhouse and hear the sound of a toilet flushing. Out steps Shrek, an ogre, who tugs at his underwear and shakes his foot of the page still stuck to his shoe. He looks lovingly at the swamp he calls home, and goes about his daily routine. Which is taking a mud shower, brushing his teeth with bugs, bathing in a muddy pond, gathering giant slugs for dinner, and painting a warning sign)
(In a nearby village, an angry mob gather up to go after Shrek. At night they gather their torches and pitchforks and enter the swamp, trampling over Shrek's warning signs. It’s fun to use our imagination, Shrek sees them after investigating the commotion, rolling his eyes. The villagers stop outside Shrek's home, unaware that Shrek is sneaking up behind them)
Villager 1: Think it's in there?
Villager 2: All right. Let's get it!
Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
Villager 3: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.
(Shrek chuckles, revealing himself to be standing behind the mob)
Shrek: Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant.
Fairy tale creatures are put in chains and led into wagons by Duloc Guards. The Captain of the Duloc Guards sits at a table paying a line of people their rewards for turning in the fairytale creatures. Those waiting in line include Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Geppetto who is carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer carrying the Three Little Pigs.
Guard: All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!
The Captain: Next!
Guard: (Taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over! (breaks the broom in half)
The Captain: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
(The captain hands over the reward to the villager who turned the witch in. The villager mutters to himself)
(A masked man is pouring a glass of milk. Another man is shown walking down the hallway towards a set of doors. As he is let into the room by two guards, we can see that the man is abnormally short. The masked man is dunking what looks to be a small person into the glass of milk)
Lord Farquaad: (stepping forward) That's enough. He's ready to talk.
Gingy is pulled out of the milk by Thelonious and is slammed down onto a cookie sheet. Lord Farquaad laughs evilly as he walks over to the table. When he reaches the table we see that he is too short to see above it. He clears his throat and the table is lowered.
Lord Farquaad: (he picks up the Gingy's severed legs and plays with them) Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!
Gingy: You're a monster!
Lord Farquaad: I'm not the monster here, you are. (throws one leg at Gingy) You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world (crumbles his other leg into dust) Now, tell me! Where are the others?!
(Shrek and Donkey come out of the field just outside the Duloc parking lot)
Donkey: But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. I told ya I'd find it.
(The 2 gaze up at Duloc Castle, a building that towers over the rest of the kingdom)
Shrek: So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
Donkey: Uh-huh. That's the place.
Shrek: Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?
(Shrek and Donkey look around the square, which is deserted. The trees and grass are neatly cut and the rows of houses all looked exactly the same. Chirpy music quietly plays from a set of loudspeakers)
Shrek: It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody?
Donkey: Hey, look at this!
(Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing)
Wooden People: (SINGING)
(Suddenly a camera takes Shrek and Donkey's picture, both of which are dumbfounded)
(In the center of a stadium-like arena, Duloc Knights are gathered as a large crowd of citizens watches on from the stands. Horses, kegs of beer, arrow targets, and other equipment are scattered about. Farquaad is atop a high up balcony, flanked by two guards, addressing the crowd. Shrek and Donkey step out onto the arena but don't seem to be noticed)
Lord Farquaad: That champion shall have the honor-- no, no -- the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place. And so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
(The crowd cheers and applauds. Shrek looks around, noticing a man holding up a cue card up to the crowd that reads "APPLAUSE")
Lord Farquaad: Let the tournament begin!
(Shrek marches through the Duloc Knights, who back away in disgust upon noticing him)
Lord Farquaad: Oh! What is that? It's hideous!
(Shrek and Donkey are now walking through the fields heading away from Duloc. Shrek is munching on an onion)
Donkey: Okay, so let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
Shrek: You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
Donkey: I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.
Shrek: Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
Donkey: Uh, no, not really, no.
The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. Shrek takes the title deed to the swamp. FARQUAAD. Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.
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