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- Holding a grudge is when you harbor anger, bitterness, resentment, or other negative feelings long after someone has done something to hurt you. Usually, it's in response to something that's already occurred, other times a grudge may develop after simply perceiving that someone is against you or means you harm—whether or not they actually do.
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Oct 17, 2022 · A grudge is holding on to hurt or anger toward another because of an actual or perceived wrong. Grudges can be short-lived or persist over a lifetime, creating potential health risks. Being the...
- Become Aware of Resentment
- Tune in to Your Emotions
- Redirect Rumination on Past Events
- Transform The Experience Into Growth
- Foster Self-Forgiveness and Acceptance
It’s possible to hold lingering feelings of resentment without knowing why. According to that Trustpilot surveymentioned above, a third of the people they surveyed about grudges couldn’t remember why they still held on to them. Acknowledging a grudge can offer a powerful step toward releasing it. In the summarized words of Swiss psychiatrist Carl J...
If you think you might be harboring resentment, it could help to ask yourself, “How do I feel when I think about memories of being wronged?” If feelings of rage or anger bubble quickly to the surface, this could suggest you’re holding a grudge. Paying attention to what memories trigger strong feelings can help you identify a grudge you haven’t rele...
Holding a grudge often involves trouble letting go of anger about the event. You might have intrusive thoughtsor rehash what happened again and again. It can be difficult to stop ruminatingon past pain and distress once you’ve developed the habit, but you can break the cycle. One step to redirecting repetitive, grudge-related thoughts involves enga...
In some cases, you may be able to turn the basis of your grudge into an opportunity for growth on your own terms. Some people find using past hardship as an opportunity to grow helps them regain a sense of empowerment in their own lives. Post-traumatic growthis one example of transformation after a difficult or painful event. Through this process, ...
Forgiveness is a common prescription for grudges, but the role of self-forgiveness — related to self-compassionand acceptance — remains underemphasized. According to research from 2018Trusted Source, people who regularly practiced self-forgiveness had better health outcomes and avoided many of the harmful effects of long-term hostility. One potenti...
Mar 4, 2015 · Holding a grudge is often, in part, an attempt to get the comfort and compassion one didn’t get in the past. Sadly, in its effort to garner empathy, a grudge ends up depriving a person of the...
Oct 10, 2017 · One of the problems with a grudge is that often the person holding it doesn’t tell the person who committed the so-called hurt. It’s impossible to ask for forgiveness from a person who hasn’t...
Nov 6, 2023 · But whatever your intentions or the cause of your bitterness, holding a grudge can end up hurting you as much as the person who inspired it. Clinging to anger can impact you, emotionally, physically, and socially, so it's important to learn to let go of your grudges and cope with anger in a healthier way.
- Sarah Vanbuskirk
- Apologize. If you actually did something wrong, take responsibility, acknowledge that you made a mistake, and do what you can to rectify it. If you do not think that you did anything wrong, but you know that the other person believes that you did, let them know that you understand that they have a different perspective than you do, and that you had no intention of creating the problem that you and they are now facing.
- Ask what you can do now to make things better. Sometimes your good intentions, along with an apology, will be enough. But be prepared – your boss, like Robert's, might not be ready to let you off the hook and might find a way to make things worse even after your apology.
- Recognize that although you might have done something wrong, it is not likely to be as all-or-nothing as your grudge-holder would have it seem. This is probably not something you want to say to him or her, but it can at least help you hold onto a more realistic view of what you have done.
- It might help to remember that there are probably many reasons that he or she needs to hold onto the grudge. Perhaps they were frequently criticized by a parent and are still trying to protect themselves from that pain.
Apr 18, 2022 · Recap. Holding a grudge can be harmful to your physical and mental health. But there are strategies you can try to help you move past your anger and hurt feelings. Holding a grudge happens when...
