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Nov 8, 2005 · So it appears that there are at least two reasons we look away from others while we talk to them: because of our self-consciousness or embarrassment at the intimacy of the...
- Overview
- They’re sh
- They have social anxiet
- They may be autisti
- They might have ADH
- They like you romanticall
- They’re not interested in the conversatio
- They’re uncomfortabl
- They’re angr
- They’re thinkin
Eye contact. You probably don’t think twice about it until someone doesn’t give it to you. Why are they avoiding your gaze? Did you do something wrong? More often than not, someone’s distracted gaze isn’t because of something you’ve done. Anxiety, introversion, and crushes can all make people look the other way. Take a look at the list below to learn the physiological reasons why people avoid eye contact.
If someone’s avoiding your gaze, it may be because they’re shy or have social anxiety. Eye contact makes them nervous, so they try looking elsewhere.
Another possible reason is that they might have a neurodevelopmental disorder like autism or ADHD. In this case, eye contact can be overstimulating.
Sometimes, someone averts their gaze if they like you as more than a friend. They may think that looking you in the eyes will reveal their feelings.
Insecurities could make someone avoid eye contact.
More often than not, if someone avoids your gaze, it’s likely because they’re naturally shy or reserved. It has nothing to do with you or who you are—they’re simply timid! Perhaps they’re more introverted or get nervous in social settings. Either way, they don’t mean to offend. It may be easier for them to communicate without looking you in the eye.
This type of behavior is often paired with shuffling feet, staying toward the back of a crowd, speaking quietly, and blushing.
Try making them more comfortable by
Social anxiety disorder makes it difficult to maintain eye contact.
Social anxiety is an intense fear of being watched or judged by others. It’s more than shyness and can cause someone to get incredibly anxious in social settings. Because of this, those with social anxiety often avoid looking people in the eye in an attempt to work through their fears.
Along with avoiding eye contact, someone with social anxiety disorder may also blush, sweat, and have stiff posture in social settings.
Make someone with social anxiety more comfortable by offering to take the conversation elsewhere. Try different methods of communication, like texting or emailing, to remove face-to-face interactions.
Avoiding eye contact is an early sign of autism spectrum disorder.
For many on the autistism spectrum, avoiding eye contact helps them desensitize themselves from sensory overload. Looking someone in the eyes can be too emotionally and physically stimulating or distressing, so they’ll avert their gaze to help themselves stay present in the moment.
If you know someone is already autistic, this is likely why they’re avoiding your gaze. It’s not to be mean! They’re simply trying to adapt to their surroundings.
If you don’t know if someone’s autistic, avoid jumping to conclusions. Rather than asking someone about their health, treat them with respect regardless—the best thing you can do is
Hyperactivity may make it difficult for someone to hold eye contact.
ADHD, or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, is one of the most common neurodevelopmental disorders in children. Those with ADHD have a hard time sitting still, and their high energy levels can make it difficult to concentrate on people and conversations.
Because of this, eye contact may be hard for them.
Someone with ADHD might forget or lose things often, fidget or squirm, talk a lot, and have trouble focusing on specific tasks.
If someone likes you, they may do everything they can to avoid your gaze.
Nervous butterflies flutter in their stomach whenever they see you, and they fear that looking you in the eyes will telepathically scream, “I like you!”
They likely want to hide their true feelings, and averting your gaze is easier than facing you head-on.
More often than not, you can
in cases like this if they sneak glances at you when they think you’re not looking.
This is often the case
Minimal eye contact might mean they don’t want to talk anymore.
Eye contact is a sign of engagement, and a lack of it may mean they want to end the conversation. Perhaps they’re not interested in the topic being discussed or have other things on their mind. Either way, if they’re suddenly fidgety and offer vague responses to your questions, they may be bored.
Chances are, someone who’s not interested in the discussion will start looking elsewhere—the scenery behind you, what’s on their plate, their nails, etc.
See if they’re paying attention to the conversation by asking a question that requires an answer. If they don’t respond with an adequate answer, it may be time to
Avoiding eye contact may be a sign of emotional discomfort.
Sometimes, people will avoid eye contact in high-pressure social situations.
This may have something to do with you or not. Take a look at these example instances:
Let’s pretend you’re someone’s boss and call them in for a meeting. They may avoid eye contact because they're nervous about what you might say as their superior.
If something like this occurs, ease their worries with a kind smile and positive attitude.
Say you’re on a date, and they suddenly avoid eye contact despite holding it with you before. You might have said or done something to offend them.
If someone’s upset, they may not want to look at you.
Think about the last argument you were in. When words flew, did you look the other person in the eye? Chances are, you probably didn’t. This logic can apply to anyone. It can be difficult to find someone’s gaze when you're angry or upset, especially when emotions are running high.
Consider the situation at hand. If they are avoidant of you after a disagreement or show signs of anger, like aggression or red features, they may not be able to look you in the eyes because they’re angry with you.
If they’re angry, don’t hold their avoidant eye contact against them. Instead, work on
Deep thoughts could make someone avoid eye contact.
More often than not, when someone’s in deep thought, they drop their gaze to concentrate on what’s going on in their head. This may seem like avoidant behavior on the surface, but they don’t mean it to be! They may not even know you’re trying to talk to them.
This type of avoidance is often paired with a blank stare, fidgeting, and/or stillness.
If this happens, give them time to think. When they blink and return their attention to the conversation, repeat your question or ask what they were thinking about.
- They have social anxiety. A reluctance to make eye contact is a common sign of social anxiety disorder (SAD). People with SAD have an intense fear of being judged by others.
- They are shy. Shy people feel anxious and uncomfortable in social situations, particularly if they are talking to people they don’t know very well. A shy person might avoid eye contact because they feel nervous about engaging with others.
- They feel nervous or uncomfortable. A lack of eye contact can be a sign of emotional discomfort. For example, someone who isn’t making eye contact with you might feel awkward about the current topic of conversation, or they might be nervous simply because they don’t know you very well and are anxious about making a good impression.
- They want to end the conversation. Eye contact is a sign of engagement and rapport, so if someone breaks eye contact, they might have lost interest in the conversation and feel ready to move on.
Apr 22, 2018 · By David Nield. (Dboybaker/Flickr) Research suggests there's a good scientific reason why some of us struggle to look someone in the eye and hold a conversation with them. It turns out we're not just awkward, our brains actually can't handle the tasks of thinking of the right words and focussing on a face at the same time.
Dec 11, 2009 · Eyes will move side to side, look down, or hold still as we process information. Just ask someone to multiply 56 x 89 in their head, and watch their eyes. The cognitive load placed on them by the ...
Oct 31, 2016 · Individuals usually look away when they are thinking, hesitating, or talking in a non-fluent way. This behavior likely serves two purposes, the first of which is to shield themselves...
Mar 25, 2014 · Why do some people have difficulty making eye contact? The answer to these questions lies in a primal—and mostly subconscious —region of the brain called the cerebellum (Latin for "Little...
