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Jun 6, 2024 · Sure, you could read Plato or Aristotle, but those guys are generally boring as hell. Instead, why not look to the work of one of the great modern philosophers, who doled out his advice not from a big rock but on Saturday Night Live: Jack Handey. Here are 11 of his trademark deep thoughts that might just provide you succor in this cold world…
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1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. 2. Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then on the way out, slam the d...
6. Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling. 7. To me, it’s always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, ‘Hey, can you give me a hand?,’ you can say, ‘Sorry, got these sacks.’ 8. If I ever get re...
11. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it. 12. If I ever get real rich, I hope I’m not real mean to poor people, like I am now. 13. I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you’...
16. If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. 17. I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don’t just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas. 18. To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no m...
20. To me, it’s always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand?, you can say, Sorry, got these sacks. 21. If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it’s probably best to avoid eye contact. 22. If God dwells ins...
Apr 1, 2024 · Jack Handey (born 25 February 1949) is an American humorist. He is most famous for his Deep Thoughts , a large corpus of surrealistic one-liner jokes. Deep Thoughts were first seen in small comedy magazine Army Man Comics edited by George Meyer and continued in National Lampoon in 1984 though gained popularity when they were read on Saturday ...
Mar 31, 2024 · 1993. Topics. DOS applications, Hobbies and Leisure. Item Size. 51495. This is a collection of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey from Saturday Night Live. It prints out a random thought whenever you run it. It has nice ANSI colors (you have to have ANSI.SYS installed). Just type the program name and you've got it.
Apr 12, 2013 · Therein lies the tragedy. Fabricated though his name sounds, Jack Handey is a real person, an American humorist whose gently surreal one-liners and parodies of lyrical writing appeared most ...
Inspiration for the Uninspired. A national bestselling collection of comedian Jack Handey’s “Deep Thoughts”—short, funny observations on life that were shown in between sketches on Saturday Night Live. With quirky, offbeat humor that often veers into the unexpected, Jack Handey’s witty one liners make this book the perfect funny gift ...
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Jan 1, 1994 · Jack Handey. With nearly 500,000 copies sold of his previous collections, Deep Thoughts and Deeper Thoughts, philosophizing funnyman Jack Handey (of Saturday Night Live) once again combines soul searching with rib tickling. He offers pearls of wisdom, inspiration and observation in an odd and utterly original manner. 96 pages, Paperback.
