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- Listen to or Make Music. No matter what kind of day you’re having, there’s usually a song to match. Therefore, it’s no surprise that listening to (or making your own) music was tied as the top answer when we asked The Mighty community about self-harm coping skills.
- Cry. Crying is one of the natural ways you have to express how you’re feeling, whether it’s sadness, pain, heartbreak or even anger and frustration. Crying was tied as the number one go-to coping skill The Mighty community reported using.
- Spend Time With a Pet. There are many reasons spending time with your pet can help you cope with self-harm urges, whether you’re tossing the ball for your dog or curled up on the couch with your cat.
- Journal or Write. If you self-harm because it’s difficult to express your feelings, especially when they’re big or intense, journaling or any kind of writing about what you’re going through can be a helpful release.
- Overview
- Identify your emotions and what self-harm helps you achieve
- Get outside
- Talk to a friend
- Listen to music
- Experiment with guided imagery
- Do something creative
- What about harm minimization strategies?
- The bottom line
When painful or difficult emotions threaten to overwhelm you, self-harm can offer a way to:
•regain a sense of control
•feel something when you’re otherwise numb
•express or distract yourself from unwanted emotions
•punish yourself
Still, while self-harm might offer some temporary relief, it also comes with plenty of risks:
When you feel like self-harming, take a moment to ask yourself why.
Getting a clearer idea of the emotions behind the impulse can lead you to an alternative way to cope:
•Feeling angry? Physical activities could help burn off those intense emotions.
•Feeling lonely, isolated, or ignored? Connecting with people who care about you could help ease both loneliness and the desire to self-harm.
Changing your environment can offer a distraction and give you enough time away from self-harm tools that the urge might pass before you return.
Time in nature also has a calming effect, so try simple outings like:
•wandering through your neighborhood
•visiting a nearby park
•stopping by a favorite place that helps you feel calm and at peace
It’s absolutely OK to start slow and progress in small steps.
How to bring it up
Try saying something like: •“I feel like cutting, but I don’t want to. Will you keep me company so I can stay safe?” •“I’m trying to stop self-harming and I could use some support. Can you come over?” Even if you don’t feel ready to offer specific details, try asking for support in a more general way: •“Can we spend some time together? I’m feeling really overwhelmed, and I think it will help to have someone nearby.” •“I’ve got a lot on my mind and it’s hard to cope. Could I talk to you about how I’m feeling?” Was this helpful? If you can’t see your loved one in person, try pandemic-friendly options like Zoom or a good, old-fashioned telephone call. Video chats and FaceTime may not feel quite the same as hanging out in person, but the extra layer of distance they provide could potentially make it easier to open up about difficult emotions.
Music often provides a temporary escape from painful and overwhelming feelings:
•Turning your attention to the lyrics and rhythm can help you focus on something other than your distress.
•Listening to music could help you regulate and process upsetting emotions.
Putting on a favorite playlist could help you pause the urge to self-harm long enough work through what you’re feeling and identify other ways to cope.
The type of music you choose does matter, though. When feeling down, overwhelmed, or lonely, you might prefer to listen to songs that match your mood.
Sometimes, this works to your advantage. Listening to sad or nostalgic music could help you process your grief after losing a friend or romantic partner, for example.
You’ll often hear meditation recommended as a strategy for coping with painful or distressing thoughts. Still, meditation doesn’t help everyone all the time. If you’re already feeling pretty distressed, you might find that it even intensifies certain thoughts, including the urge to self-harm.
Guided imagery offers an alternative approach that may help.
When communicating emotions through words feels impossible, art offers another way to express yourself and redirect the urge to self-harm.
Art can also offer benefits you may not get with other coping techniques:
•Creative work can offer a sense of control, since you choose what to express and how.
•Art allows you to express distress with your hands, in a real, physical way.
•When you’re finished, you have a record of your feelings you can then destroy.
Art doesn’t just help you process painful emotions. When you devote your attention to a creative project that utilizes all of your skills, you might find yourself completely engaged in what’s called a flow state.
Mental health professionals and other care providers often recommend harm minimization strategies and grounding techniques as alternatives to self-harm.
These tactics do work for some people, but research suggests others find them mostly unhelpful.
When these strategies don’t relieve the urge, you might be more inclined to believe that other coping methods will also fail. As a result, you might feel less willing to try coping methods that really might help when you want to self-harm.
Again, harm minimization techniques do help some people, especially as short-term solutions, so it’s often worth trying them out. Just keep in mind that other strategies, like the ones discussed above, may help even more.
Harm minimization strategies include:
•snapping rubber bands on your wrist
While coping strategies can help reduce the impulse to self-harm, they generally don’t resolve the underlying causes of emotional turmoil. That means your desire to self-harm might resurface again and again.
Support from a trained, compassionate therapist is often key to lasting change and improvement. Therapy offers a safe space to explore painful emotions and other self-harm triggers and begin identifying lasting solutions.
- Change your surroundings. Self-harm thrives on repetitive patterns. For example, you might have a specific thing you use to self-harm, a time of day you often do it, and a place where you feel comfortable self-harming (like your house or your room).
- Cry. We can all benefit from a good cry. We are lucky because our bodies are equipped with this natural form of dealing with tough feelings. Release the emotions that urge you to self-harm by crying.
- Wash the dishes. I have found that this tedious household chore can be actually very meditative and soothing. Buy a dish soap with a scent that you really love, get a sponge and some good dish gloves, and listen to a podcast while you wash.
- Listen to a playlist. Create a playlist to fit every feeling: depressed, angry, nostalgic, in love, excited, etc. When you're feeling an urge to self-harm, choose a playlist and listen to the entire thing on repeat.
Feb 22, 2020 · Mental health experts, however, say that self-harm is a kind of coping skill that offers relief from intense stress and anxiety or provides a visceral break from emotional numbness....
- rebecca@mashable.com
Self-harm is not a mental illness, but a behavior that indicates a need for better coping skills. Several illnesses are associated with it, including borderline personality disorder, depression, eating disorders, anxiety or posttraumatic distress disorder.
Oct 9, 2023 · Summary. By focusing on nonjudgmental support and alternative coping strategies, you can learn how to help someone who’s self-harming. You may not always know when someone you love is...
Feb 28, 2018 · That way, you can implement healthy coping mechanisms to manage those triggers. Some examples are: Direct the urge at something else – Use a punching bag, scream into a pillow or rip up a magazine. Self-soothe – Take deep breaths, take a bath or try meditation. Express yourself – Write how you feel or write creatively.
