Ross McCall
Dave
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Feb 20, 2024 · Saying 'it’s not you, it’s me' is a vague statement that can mean virtually anything. At face value, it sounds better than saying that you want to pursue someone else or you can’t imagine a...
There can be great value, practically and therapeutically, to taking an It’s not you, it’s me approach to your relationship. Rather than using this as an excuse when ending your involvement with someone, why not use it as an exercise to improve your relationship with that person.
- When It’S Not Me, It’S You
- When It’S Not You, It Is Actually Me
- Saying What You Mean
I think the unfair side of this line is when it’s used even though it isn’t true. Most people have worked out when they’re using this line to cover a truer statement they could make about why they want to terminate or prevent the relationship, and most people have been able to work out if they’re on the receiving end of this line that it may not ac...
The other reality around this statement is when someone is using this line, and it is actually completely true. It really isn’t about the person being broken up with, rejected, whatever – it really is about the person who is using this line. When this is the case, here are a few reasons I’ve heard underneath what the person is really saying.
What a devastating web we weave when we fail to say what we really mean. I wonder how many times a person has to hear “it’s not you, it’s me”, before they start to wonder if it really is them? Or perhaps it is, but the indirect approach isn’t helping them alleviate their blindspots. Or perhaps there are many of out there who really do continually f...
- I'm Scared of Commitment. Saying “it's not you, it's me” can be a way to let you down easy when your partner gets cold feet about moving the relationship forward.
- I'm Not Over My Ex. They thought they were finally ready to move on, but those lingering feelings for their ex came rushing back and caught them off guard.
- I'm Bored. Things have become too predictable and comfortable in the relationship, causing your partner's eye to wander. But rather than communicate their need for more excitement, adventure, and passion, they look for an easy way out that spares your self-esteem.
- I've Met Someone Else. Rather than come clean about their infidelity or interest in someone new, it feels kinder to pretend they are the problem by saying, “It's not you, it's me.”
It's not you, it's me is a popular phrase used in the context of breaking up, and is intended to ease the dumpee's feeling in the knowledge that it was not their fault, but rather the fault of the dumper. The phrase was used by John Belushi to Candice Bergen in the S2 E10 December 11, 1976 skit of Saturday Night Live.
May 24, 2010 · When To Be Specific. Opening with "It's not you, it's me" is just going put your partner on the defensive from the start. Skip the line and get right to explaining specifically and...
Aug 16, 2021 · It’s not you it’s me meaning #1. More often than not, this excuse is used because the person does not want to hurt you more than they have to. They already feel terrible about breaking up with you, and they don’t want to add insult to injury by listing the reasons why they want out. It’s easier to just take the blame and be done with it.
